Imagine that terrific but oh-so-brief moment of orgasm lasting longer and longer and being a place you can return to numerous times in one session of masturbation. Let me tell you, I’ve been there. I’ve climbed those peaks and the view is great. But to get there, we’ve got to study the trail guide (spend a bit of time learning more about our anatomy) and put in plenty of practice.
Most of us learned to masturbate when we were young. At this time in our lives we knew that we needed to hide our pleasure from others – whether parents or siblings. This required us to be very efficient about masturbation. We learned to be quick and quiet. For some of us, this habit carried into adulthood. We continued to be quick and quiet to hide our masturbation from roommates, partners or spouses. This results in a lifetime of quick hidden pleasure.
Yet edging provides an opportunity to expand the pleasure. We can transform erotic pleasure from a few minutes to as long as we like! To begin with edging, the most important part is to go slow! Most of us are used to a pretty fast stroke to get hard. A fast stroke will bring a lot of erotic energy into the genitals quickly; most likely you will get hard quickly too. However, so much energy gets concentrated in the genitals that often you will ejaculate quickly too.
Edging is about getting close to that point of ejaculatory inevitability—that place where we are going shoot; nothing will stop it. Just before that point is a place of amazing pleasure. Edging is about learning how to recognize that point of ejaculatory inevitability in your body. I’ve heard some refer to edging as controlling your ejaculation. I really don’t like the term control. When we’re trying to control something we’re focused on that task. I don’t believe that we can control and enjoy at the same time. Yes, it takes a while to recognize the signs of ejaculatory inevitability, but once we can get familiar with how we respond we can learn to ride the waves of pleasure rather than try to control them!
The key to edging is to relax. Most of us are used to building excitement until we cum. This excitement is often accompanied with holding our breath and tensing our muscles. This urge to shoot is at the core of our existence—it is primal. Shooting our load feels great. At the same time, more pleasure is possible if we can learn to let go of this urge. I’ve found that the first 15 to 20 minutes of genital stimulation are critical to getting into erotic trance. During these first few minutes the body is flooded with endorphins as you begin to stimulate your penis. The usual reaction to this rush of endorphins is to reach ejaculation. During this first 15 to 20 minutes, touch your cock and balls for pleasure, but also touch all parts of your body for pleasure. Don’t focus on getting hard. In fact, I suggest that it’s best to stay soft for this exercise. Learn to experience slowly building the pleasure!