Men are often like puppies.
OK, not in all ways, but many of us are like puppies in one important way. We get super excited about the prospect of sex. We want to dive right in head first – sometimes without checking the water. We learn to get excited starting when we’re young.
Think about your first sexual experience. I remember mine well. My heart was racing. I was full of anticipation. My cock – well let’s just say that I was quite excited. I wanted it and wanted it right now.
This desire to dive in head first stayed with me for many, many years. But when I dive in with all that pent up anticipation, I’m also not present. I’m focused on what I think will be coming rather than on what’s going on right now. I want to get to that big finale but I’m also missing so much pleasure and sensation along the way.
I’m trained as an engineer so I like graphs. Take a look at these two arrows. Both arrows get to the same height but the orange arrow gets there faster than the green arrow – the green arrow is longer. The slope of the orange arrow is really steep – this symbolizes going hot, heavy, and fast. The green arrow represents going slower and savoring along the way.
It’s important to look at our goals for eros. There are many reasons why we engage in sexual activity, but a primary reason is pleasure. Yet, sometimes our primary goal isn’t pleasure. Often our primary goal mis directed to be getting hard and we assume that the pleasure will follow.
I invite each of us to look at pleasure as a goal. It’s actually pretty simple. If it feels good, do more. If it doesn’t do less. Pardon the pun, but it can be hard to let go of being hard. Rock hard cocks are nice, but it’s not required for pleasure. Take a look at my video of a long slow self massage. It’s 30 minutes of cock stroking mostly without an erection and I can assure you that it feels great!
So how can we slow down? When you’re with someone else it’s actually a bit easier. Receiving a slow cock massage can be an amazing way to experience going up the green arrow. When someone else if giving you the massage, it’s easier for them to keep a slow, even pace. Spend 20 minutes or so offering slow cock touch and stroking. As the giver of this massage, your goal is to vie you partner pleasure. You’re not trying to get him hard; in fact, if he gets hard that’s a good time to slow down even more.
If you’re by yourself it’s a little harder because most of us have a habit of going fast. Start by taking the first 5 to 10 minutes and touching your body everywhere except for your cock. Engage all of your body and all of your erogenous zones except for your cock. Savor the sensations. After 10 minutes or so begin touching your cock but avoid your traditional masturbation stroke. As an alternative, try squeezes, or one finger around the corona, or rubbing the frenulum. Engage your cock but do so in a slow and deliberate manner for another 10 to 15 minutes. See how it feels to build up the energy slowly.
You may be surprised what can happen when we slow down!