So far 2014 has been a year of change. I welcome much of this change, but any change requires destruction and that destruction can make me nervous.
As this past week has brought a crescendo of potential changes into my life. I see that these changes have potential to bring a lot of answers to things I’ve been wanting; nevertheless, that pesky destruction keeps coming up.
Since my head has been so occupied with all this possibility I’ve been finding sleep elusive this week. Last night I woke up again wide awake. Rather than stare at the smoke alarm light flashing, I decided to spend some time in my body.
I ended up masturbating for around two hours. I found that the head noise kept coming in. Then I would bring my attention back to the sensations and my body. Then the noise. Then back to body. Repeat.
As I kept hearing the noise of possibility, I remembered back to my 12 year old self. As I was masturbating, I recalled that first ejaculation. That first time when I felt that magic. Remembering that first time kicked me right back into my body – right back to that time in the bath tub, when I experienced my first orgasm.
As I kept that image in my mind, I could feel my body let go in preparation for another orgasm. I held the vision of my 12 year old self – the boy beginning his journey and all the possibilities ahead of him. I then had one of the most powerful orgasms of my life. My penis felt it was on fire and my body surged with energy. I released.
As I was experiencing the aftershocks, my mind kept on the vision of my 12 year old self. I started crying. Crying not of sadness – more as a release. I’ve been so needing an emotional letting go of a cry yet I usually find it so difficult to do so. This cry felt so good!
I look forward to where these opportunities may take me!