“I teach this stuff, why do I continue to do what I teach not to do?”
Because I’m human.
I’ve been aware the last few days of the need to let go of expectations around sex and just be present. I’ve spent much time trying to unlearn the performance/goal oriented model of sex that most men acquire. We all know this one: I want to do something (or I think I’m expected to do something) so I’m focusing all my energy on that thing that I will soon be doing. Yet, the more I”m focusing my energy on that thing I want to do, the more it seems to allude me.
So lately, I’ve been focusing on simply being present, letting go and savoring. When I notice my noisy mind getting active and, well, noisy, I try to bring my attention to my breath and notice what pleasure feels like. Lately I’m noticing all the subtleties of pleasure. It’s really easy to be aware of pleasure that comes from my penis, it takes presence to notice the pleasure that comes from my neck, or my forearm or many other places on my body. Yet, these other areas are full of sensations to savor!
I also notice that it’s easier to let go when I’m being topped. It’s a natural to let go and surrender. I’m now practicing what it’s like to let go and surrender while also topping. The two definitely go together in a very unexpected and fun way!