December 1, 2014

Practicing My Boundaries

The biggest challenges with my move to Vegas has been leaving my friends and lovers behind and setting out to find a new circle of friends here. Like most guys looking for play partners, I’m on several online hookup sites; generally I find these sites useful and I’ve met several great guys who have turned into not only great play partners but also good friends.

I started out checking the same sites for people in Vegas. My profile is pretty complete about what I’m looking for and what boundaries I have. One of those boundaries is meth. I never have done it and never will. I don’t play with others who use it.

So I make arrangements to meet this guy and confirm as we’re chatting that he’s not a user. Later that evening I head over to his place and when he opens the door his house looks like something out of the TV show Hoarders. I was flabbergasted. I go ahead and walk in – thinking to myself that there’s no way this playdate is going to work out. I find a place to sit and as I’m thinking to myself how long to do have to be polite before I should leave he offers me a meth pipe. That’s when I answered my own question and decide that the time to leave is now.

I politely but firmly tell him that this isn’t going to work out and I need to leave. I get up and hear him mutter a few things as I head out the door.

Back in my car heading home, I’m relieved to be out of that horrible situation. At the same time, I’m also happy about clearly sticking to my boundaries. I set those boundaries for a reason and ignoring that boundary would have given me nothing but problems.

Boundaries exist for a reason. I encourage clients to define their boundaries up front and be clear and stick to those boundaries. Many guys think that boundaries are only important for BDSM play; however, boundaries can include many things in a variety of play that are important for each of us. For example, boundaries are important for negotiating safer sexual practices. What information do you need from your partners to ensure your health? Boundaries help establish trust which is critical to help us let go and enjoy any encounter. Most importantly, boundaries help each of us get what we’re looking for.

Yes, boundaries are important, but driving home I passed an ice cream store and decided I could bend another boundary around food and console myself with some ice cream!

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