March 18, 2013


Saturday was a day full of play.

I started the day taking the new puppy to puppy play time. It was fun watching him run around and play with the other puppies. Not only is he socializing with other dogs but he’s learning how to communicate, interact and get what he wants.

Saturday evening was full of play of a different kind. I had the opportunity to reconnect with my play energy around sex. We’re often so focused on competition, finding the perfect partner, being the biggest or the best. We so often look at sex as sport; we turn it into a competition with winners and losers. (Usually we make our self the loser.) I’ve found an amazing feeling of joy and freedom letting go of the competition and looking at sex as play.

We so often equate sex and power. Our cultural history is around using sex as power and controlling sexual behavior to keep power concentrated in existing institutions. When we look as sex as an expression of power it’s all about our egos. Yet, we’re always wondering if we’re actually good enough to wield all that power. Am I buff enough? Is my penis big enough? Is my income enough?

We also live in a culture that reinforces how imperfect we are. Almost any television commercial tells us if we drive the right car, wear the right clothes, use the right paint or take the right pill we’ll be perfect and desirable (oh yea, rock hard too.) It’s as if we can’t help but go around aware of how much we’re lacking.

Yet, when we equate sex with play a dramatic shift occurs. We can learn to let go of the ego. We can let go of the need for perfection and realize that what we have is simply perfect as it is. And when we let go the magic of embodiment can take over. We move from being observer to participant and simply be in the experience of pleasure.

Think about it. When I was growing up some of my fondest memories were when I was playing with friends and we were all letting our imaginations run free and we created some amazing, silly and fun games. It wasn’t about being the best or the biggest, or scoring the most. It was simply about having some fun.

Those puppies didn’t care about their incomes or their physical appearance or their colors or much of anything else. It didn’t matter which puppy was the best; they just wanted to play.

Of course, sex can take on many different and complimentary meanings and play is only one of many possible meanings around sex. But I find play one of the most freeing experiences. I found myself laughing and smiling and relaxing into the experience. Yes I was comfortable and I knew the people I was playing with quite well and felt very much as ease. But it didn’t matter that I wasn’t perfect. I was perfect just was way I was that evening.

One Comment on “Play

March 18, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Thank-you for “choosing” me to play on your team. You always make me feel like a winner.


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