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May 31, 2010

May 2010 Newsletter

Aging

Concerned

The words "I am" are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.

~A.L. Kitselman

I just returned from a wonderful week of vacation and it’s nice to be home again.

While on vacation I met a man I just couldn’t shake from my mind. We spoke a bit the first night at the hotel and didn’t talk any more while I was there. But his story really stuck with me.

This man was lamenting about getting older. He was in his mid 40’s and was very focused on his looks. He told me that he was upset because he couldn’t walk into a club and automatically ‘get’ anyone he wanted. He was afraid of getting old and becoming undesirable. I asked him about these experiences and he told me that while he liked the ability to pick up anyone he wanted, he wasn’t really satisfied with these relationships.

I invited him to take a look at these encounters. I also asked him if the men he was meeting were really interested in him as a person or were more interested in him fulfilling some generic quality – like youth. To be honest, he really didn’t know what to make of that question. It did have me wondering if he was also using his youth and looks to hide his true self from others. Of course, I’ll never know what he was thinking.

This man asked me what I find attractive in other men. I think he was expecting me to give an answer that emphasized youth and looks. I really don’t have a ‘type;’ I find many different types of men attractive. As I thought about his question, what I realized is that I find earnestness and confidence attractive. I like men who are sure of themselves and their place in the world.

This really was my truthful answer, but the man was having a hard time getting past the veneer of looks and appearance. Eventually, I had to drop the conversation and enjoy my vacation.

I’m turning 50 this year, so I’m also aware that I’ll be passing a milestone in a few months. I’m reminded of what I notice about age as I work with so many men. Yes, our culture is youth obsessed, at the same time I’m also aware that many older men bring a sense of comfort in themselves. I’ve worked with men from 18 well into their 80’s.

When I work with young men, I’m very aware of the strong outward expression of their erotic energy. I love to teach them something new about embodiment and pleasure. When I work with older men, I’m reminded of the subtle aspects of our sensuality. I enjoy showing older men that erotic fulfillment is independent from age.  In fact, I’m actually a bit jealous of the erotic energy in some older clients – I can’t help but thinking that I hope I’m feeling like they are when I’m their age!

The important thing is to enjoy where you are in life!

Summer Travels

I have a few trips planned for June and July. I’ll be in Chicago for Chicago Pride the week of June 21 through June 28. I won’t have my table with me, but would love to connect with clients in the area. Also, I’ll be a guest facilitator at Easton Mountain, outside Albany, NY, for Eros Spirit Camp from July 26 through July 30. I’m still working on my travel plans for this trip but will be in New York City ether before or after this event!

It’s Spring!!

Ed

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