Many people think that masturbation is a substitute for partnered sex. I see men who feel as if they need to hide their masturbation from their partners. We spend a lifetime hiding masturbation from others – parents, roommates, partners.
For me, it’s not an or, it’s an and. Partnered sex is a way of connecting with another; masturbation is a way of connecting with myself. I cherish both. Both contribute to my sense of sexual fulfillment by meeting very different needs.
When I’m masturbating I’m taking my body on a journey. It’s a way for me to ‘reboot’ myself to clear out all the junk that accumulates over time. Masturbation is strictly about what I need in the moment; some will take a hot bath, some will meditate, some will have a cocktail, I’ll masturbate.
I’m now involved in a new relationship and am loving the play and connection we’re co-creating. When there’s a connection between people, magic happens. I savor the sense of belonging and connection that I feel when I’m with someone I care about. I love that we can co-create an incredibly hot scene and also laugh when things take an unexpected turn. I love taking break after a hot, intense experience and spending some time simply kissing and cuddling. This isn’t to diminish NSA sex – connection can take many forms. I’ve had my share of hookups, but I’ve always felt that something was missing from NSA sex. I’ve come to realize that I need that connection with someone I’m involved with over time.
Again, this is strictly my observations about myself. There are many ways to sexual fulfillment – this is simply my way. There are guys who identify as solosexuals. I respect solosexuals who are able to obtain sexual fulfillment strictly through masturbation. I believe that solo sex should be celebrated; just that, for me, I crave both solo and partnered sex.
I invite everyone to look at both as important aspects of our sexual lives.