I see a common theme in many men that shows up as a gap between what our head wants and what our body wants. Usually this comes up around sexual activity – our head wants to be strongly sexual yet our body isn’t quite there. More often than not, we drag our body along and the experience is often less than satisfactory.
Often this behavior is due to fear around aging – we become concerned because our erotic energy isn’t what it used to be and we think we have to force it. Erotic energy comes in cycles – sometimes we feel it strongly and other times it’s just not that strong. I think the problem is because many of us experienced a time in our life (teens and 20’s) when this energy was very strong. We have a hard time believing that it’s OK to have less than 100%.
I invite us to listen to where our energy is and honor ourselves where we are. For example, spend 3 to 5 minutes breathing and meditating. Ask yourself how would you rate your erotic energy on a scale of 1 to 10. Be honest! If you’re aware that you’re a 3 then be a 3. If you’re aware that you’re a 3 but feel you should be a 10 just note the gap. There’s no need to do anything about it.
Then engage in activity (or not) based on where you really are. That activity may be asking your partner just to be held. It may be a nice, slow massage. A wonderful erotic activity for when your energy isn’t that high is a slow genital massage. Ask the person giving you the massage to let you be soft – you don’t need an erection for this. You’ll be amazed how pleasurable it can be!
On the other hand, if you’re a 10 then fully be a 10. Get moving! Get sweaty! Make noise and enjoy the feeling. If your partner isn’t at a 10 with you then give yourself permission to have an encounter with yourself. A quick wank probably won’t do; give yourself full permission to experience erotic energy as a 10.
As you gain practice listening to your body you’ll begin to notice the cycles of erotic energy. That noise in your head wondering why your energy is low will begin to fade because you’ll know that it’s all part of the natural cycle.