March 2, 2016

I’m Not A Walking Penis (Most of the Time)

I recently came across this post where the author made a case our culture doesn’t understand the male sex drive.

There’s a pernicious myth out there that the male sex drive is unstoppable and irresistible–that once a man is aroused, he literally cannot control his actions.  We tell jokes about “thinking with the other head” and “all the blood went out of his brain” that aren’t entirely jokes.  We have a cultural narrative in which sexual arousal makes a man into a goddamn werewolf.

Porn reinforces this belief. In porn, we’re hard on a moment’s notice. We can’t control ourselves until we cum. We’re essentially walking penises looking for the next think to inseminate. This cultural narrative is reinforced in our collective fear of penises. We see this fear in art, in popular media, in sexual education – in so many places.

1205_eek-a-penisThis fear is driven by the mistaken belief that penises have no thought and no control. They only exist to be hard and inseminate.

How does this narrative influence our view toward ourselves? So many of us have a mixed relationship with our sexual energies. We can be simultaneously drawn to and afraid of these energies. We can have a belief that we’re supposed to be able to be turned on and sexually stimulated and ready to go at a moment’s notice. For many of us there may have been a time when we were younger when that may have been true. At the same time, we also recognize that sexual energies take many different forms.

take some time out of your day and simply be with your sexual energies. Don’t focus on doing anything with those energies; rather, just notice what’s there. This simple exercise can be helpful to begin to notice the continuum of energies that we can feel and notice the nuances of those energies. We can expand this technique while masturbating. Play with consciously adjusting the energies up and down. Most of us tend to go in one direction while masturbating (up.) Experience what it feels like to not only go up but also practice leveling off and decreasing the energy.

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