December 22, 2011

Healing from Dad

I’m writing this sitting in an airport on my way to spend the holidays with my family. I’ve had a strained relationship with my dad. There are many things he did for me that I’m grateful for yet there are also many things he did that hurt tremendously.  I was physically beaten as a child. I’ve always thought I would do things differently if I were a dad, until recently that opportunity hasn’t come my way (more that that development in a future post!)

Healing has been a long and continuing journey. Part of this healing has been exploring the healing power of daddy/boy relationships. To be honest my first thought of role playing relationships was that it was kind of silly. However, I soon had two life changing experiences that completely changed my perspective.

During a workshop I had the opportunity to experience a spanking session. This brought up many issues for me since I was spanked (often with implements) as a child with lasting and unpleasant memories. Although I was scared to participate, I wanted the full experience and opted in. I was pleasantly surprised at how tender and loving the man spanking me was. I shared my apprehensions with him. He was very aware of my emotions and helped guide my body through the experience. The most memorable part was the aftercare. He caressed me and told me how good of a boy I was. I started crying. Those were almost the exact words I needed to hear from my father but never heard. My heart was open and my body was alive!

Later I was able to receive a tender, loving and intense flogging. I had make up so much about BDSM play. I thought it was all about control and endurance. I thought it was about pain and suffering. However, my experience being spanked was beginning to change these preconceived feelings. I realized that I needed to try this out.

The pain was intense but not like I was expecting. What was quite surprising was that I literally felt my armor that was separating me from my emotion was beginning to melt away. I felt connected to my heart. I became aware of emotions rising in me that I had been suppressing for years. I screamed. I cried. I learned that my usual reaction to getting beaten – numbing out – doesn’t work. I learned how feel again. All from a flogging.

The tender loving aftercare also helped me learn how to transform pain into pleasure. Somehow the sensations changed and I learned how to take something that reminded me of a very painful past and change it into pleasure. Now that’s powerful!

After this experience I knew that I needed to learn how to forgive. I didn’t know how. (Actually, I’m still not sure that I know how, but I am learning how to peel away the layers.) I can’t change what happened to me in the past. However, I can change my perspective on what happened and how I live going forward.

Daddy/boy relationships have the potential to heal so much. I found that being told that I was a good boy was exactly the words I needed to hear. I’ve been blessed to have both a very special Daddy and an incredible boy in my life. There are many different forms of Daddy/boy relationships and I certainly don’t know all about them. However, I can share my experiences and how those experiences have helped me.

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