For most of us, the method we learned to ejaculate quickly became a habit. Pretty much the same way over and over again. Sure, it was good. So good that we haven’t tried any other ways. No thinking, just doing. But what would it be like if we put some choice back into our masturbation practice — like how to do it and whether or not to even ejaculate?
Many words have been written on the pros and cons of ejaculation. Ejaculation definitely has an effect on our energy and most men don’t feel the need to ejaculate as often as we get older. However, lately there have been some health studies that show a correlation between frequency of ejaculation and incidence of prostate cancer. The more often a man ejaculates the lower the incidence of prostate cancer.
Through my experiences I’ve come to believe that the experience of ejaculation is a sacred gift to men. And I’ve come to realize that for many men it is a spiritual experience. Our erotic energies and our spirit are so woven together that the experience of ejaculation can bring us closer to knowing our true selves.
The reality is that many men ejaculate out of habit. The term autopilot comes to mind – like when people say their car knows the route on its own and before you know it you’re at your destination without really experiencing the journey. Similarly, masturbation leading to ejaculation is something that we’ve conditioned our bodies to do every time we raise erotic energy. The routine almost invariably includes that includes ejaculation and also a loss of energy afterwards.
I propose the concept of conscious ejaculation and invite you to ejaculate with intention — not just because you’ve always done it. Choose to do it rather than submit one more time to your old routine.
Yes, there’s a paradox here. A key part of erotic trance is to move the focus away from ejaculation and toward enjoyment. This still includes giving yourself permission to fully enjoy the experience of ejaculation and to do it with abandon! So set an intention (perhaps for a period of time or a number of days) and choose if you would like to ejaculate or not.
One way to do that is to check in with your body and see if you can tell what your body wants. Be present and listen, feel and trust your body because it knows when it’s time to ejaculate.
The first step is choice. Most men begin the routine of masturbation and end up ejaculating out of habit. Many of us have experienced ejaculations when we really weren’t up for it and we know how unfulfilling that experience can be. But by being present to your body you can learn to listen for what your body needs. There are times when ejaculation isn’t that important. There are also times when your body really needs that terrific release and that’s when you should do it with abandon and celebrate it.
The second step is surrender. Many men have a habit of tensing up and holding our breath in preparation for ejaculation. I suggest in- stead that we consciously relax the body and breathe deeply. This may be difficult, but it actually helps the body relax and prepare to let go to the experience. Letting go is key. Ejaculation is a reflex that can’t be controlled (at least beyond a certain point!). Many of us try to control the experience; but the key to fully enjoying is to let go to the sacred experience and let your body do what comes naturally.
Try this. Position yourself so that you are comfortable and can honor the experience. This might mean laying back or maybe kneeling or standing. Experiment with different positions and see what resonates with you. You’re going to honor this ejaculation.
When you’re ready, let go and completely surrender to the experience. Breathe. Make noise if you feel called to. Howl! Move if your body wants to. However you’ve been doing it for most of your life, try it different way. And surrender. Try something new and different!
The third step is to savor the feelings even after the ejaculation has happened. A period of complete relaxation, bliss and mental clarity after ejaculation is waiting for you if you take your time. Here’s how: Stay in the experience. Stay present. Notice everything. Don’t run off to do other things. Resist the temptation to reach for a tissue or towel. Keep breathing and stay in your body. Relax and treasure this magical moment! Enjoy your cum and savor the experience, after all, you worked hard to get here! There can be a tremendous reward for staying and lingering! Listen to your body because at this point, it’s full of information and signals. This is a time of tremendous insight and clarity, not just physically but perhaps also emotionally and spiritually as well.
It’s also time to re-examine what we do with our semen. Let’s address the wonderful substance called semen. Cum, spooge, jizz, man juice. Call it what you will, but I, for one, strongly believe in the importance of honoring my semen.
Unfortunately because of the inherited shame around masturbation itself, many of us learned to quickly hide the evidence. This need to rid our environment of the fresh semen only contributes to a belief that it is vile and dirty – something to be quickly wiped away.
Rather than considering semen as a mess to wipe up afterwards. I believe it’s important to honor it by consciously doing something with it. Examples include anointing yourself with your semen or eating or licking your semen. These are all wonderful ways to honor your body and what it has produced.
Another way to honor your semen is to shoot it consciously onto an object. The object can be a piece of cloth specific for this purpose or something of personal significance that you’ve decided to bless and anoint with your own DNA.
Most of us are familiar with the traditional ejaculation, which typically consists of muscular contractions and the full release of semen. But there are other types of ejaculations to explore. They differ in the release of fluid and the loss of energy. But each can feel great.
First, there’s what I call ejaculatory leakage. This is a partial release of semen – more than a few drops but less than a full ejaculation. Typically this isn’t accompanied with muscular contractions. Sometimes, when you’re right on the edge, you can gently push out some semen. This is a pleasurable release and isn’t accompanied by any decline in energy after this experience.
Next, there’s the flow rather than expulsion of semen. It feels closer to urinating yet is highly pleasurable and definitely not followed by a reduction in energy. There is a substantial discharge – not leakage like mentioned ear- lier. After this type of release most men feel like continuing. For me, this usually occurs after a period of several days when I’ve chosen not to ejaculate (which goes back to the notion of choice.)
There’s also ejaculations that are accompanied with the typical muscular contractions but in a series, rather than all at once. It can be a series of three contractions or many, many more. Usually there’s about 5 to 10 minutes between each release but that interval can vary. Each ejaculation is accompanied by an orgasm and your energy is not depleted until the series is complete. Only the final ejaculation in the series is closer to a traditional ejaculation and does result in a reduction of energy. I’ve found this series type of ejaculation happens most easily when I’ve been moving and dancing a lot as I ride the edge.
1. Ejaculation Awareness
Ejaculation Awareness is about increasing your consciousness of the physical changes your body experiences during explosive orgasm. So you should do this as slowly as possible. You will want to be aware of very subtle sensations and changes in your internal system, so you may want to refer to the anatomy section of the peaking worksheet.
For this exercise you are experimenting on yourself. This experiment is about mentally recording the input you receive from all your senses. That’s why you spent that time practicing open senses in previous workbooks. Approach this with the curiosity of a child. We’re used to masturbating for enjoyment. Take a few times to masturbate for curiosity instead.
Self pleasure slowly, feeling all your sensations fully. Use lubricant to heighten your sensitivity if you want.
As you use the different strokes presented in the Peaking Worksheet to turn yourself on, simply notice your level of arousal rising on scale from 1 to 10.
Be aware of changes in your body. Pay attention to your heart rate, your muscle tension, your breathing, the sensations in your prostate, balls and cock.
When you reach 9.9 on the 10 point scale, the point of no return, stop all motion.
Relax by taking deep breaths and focus your attention on all parts of your body, especially your cock, balls and all the internal structures. Really try to visualize those internal structures full and ready to explode. Pay particular attention to your seminal vesicles.
Bring yourself slowly and consciously over the edge. Shoot your load. As you cum, feel the semen moving from the seminal vesicles and prostate to the base of your cock. Remember, this is the emission phase.
Notice the delay between this phase and then the involuntary squeezes of your pelvic muscles which cause the collected semen to be propelled out in the propulsion phase.
Now focus on what you learned and give thanks that you can experience such intense pleasure.
Did you notice the changes your body experienced as you got close to 9.9? Could you feel the point of no return and the internal emission contractions of your prostate before the expulsion caused by your pelvic muscles? If not, why don’t you try it again when you’re ready. Repeat the exercise until you can really feel what’s happening.
2. Visual Surrender
This is a simple exercise. Masturbate to ejaculation but wear a blindfold. Most guys are very visually oriented. By turning off the visual, our other senses are accentuated. While wearing blindfolds, many guys notice things they’ve never paid attention to before while wearing a blindfold.
Find an object of significance to you. You will be cumming on it, so just make sure that it’s ok to have your most holy fluid on it. Set an intention for marking this object. Your intention can be a form of sex magic. Masturbate in any way that works for you and consciously ejaculate on that object. Leave your cum on the object, let it dry, and then put the object in a place of significance as a reminder of your intention.
4. Prolonged Ejaculation
You may notice that in the video that I actually ejaculate several times. By staying on the edge for a long time, you can learn to have multiple ejaculations. I’ll admit that this takes a lot of practice, but the rewards are incredible!
Stay right at the edge and as you become aware of semen being released by the seminal vesicles toward the prostate you can do a very light push and you’ll cum just a bit. The push is very, very light—I would almost describe it as more of a letting go than a push. Nevertheless, you will shoot a bit and will not have the usual decline in energy. You will immediately know that there’s more to come!
I’ve done this as many as 4 times and it’s absolutely incredible!