August 9, 2011


Recently while relaxing in a hot tub after a long day, I encountered a young man really wanting an erotic connection. He was aggressively flirting with me and the other men in the water. While sex in or around the water would have been OK, it wasn’t an explicitly sexual place. I couldn’t help but notice how aggressive this young man was in his actions. I’m often open to sexual encounters, but this situation was different – the man was desperate for affection.

Of course I’m making his story up. In reality I don’t know what was going on inside his mind. All I was really aware of were his actions. But this got me thinking about how desperate we are for connection and how that desperation comes off onto others.

If he was looking for real connection, there were plenty of opportunities for that. I would have enjoyed connecting with the man in the water through a conversation, a hug, even light caressing. However, his aggressive need for sexual connection really turned me off.

It got me thinking about my history of looking for connection through sex. I recall the longing I had looking for connection and validation through sex. I also recall that although this type of connection met one need, it was sorely lacking in meeting other needs.

How many of us are looking in the wrong places for connection and coming off desperate in the process? Sex can be great, sometimes conversation, holding and caressing is even better!

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