January 23, 2012

And I Thought I Knew My Beast

I just Googled the term sexual beast and most of what was returned was related to rapists and other sexual predators. That’s a telling comment on our culture.

This post is about a very different type of sexual beast. This beast is the animal within; it is that part of us where the ordinary disappears and the extraordinary makes itself known. It is where the sexual energy unites with the heart energy allowing us to express ourselves in ways where words don’t really work very well.

I thought I knew my beast. I’m realizing that although I am familiar with much I also have more to get to know. I also now see that I keep my beast at a distance. Scratch recently told me that I often refer to my beast as if he is separate from myself. As soon as he told me that I knew he hit on something.

Why do I do this? What is it that scares me about that part of myself? Why do I find sex so incredibly hot yet also a bit scary at the same time? Is that old Catholic programming still more active than I want to admit?

Does age enter into this? Sure we all like to imagine good looking younger people enjoying sex, but what about those of us who get mail from AARP? Am I letting my own age bias effect my feelings? Most of us can easily imagine a young virile beast, what about an older beast? What does he look like?

I like letting my beast come play when I’m alone and I’m noticing that I hold back when I’m playing with others. Why? What is it about that part of me that I’m ashamed of? Is approval from others so important to me that I’m willing to sacrifice part of myself in the process? What’s keeping me from letting all parts of me come out to play?

Integrating our erotic lives into everything we do is so important to me. When erotic energies are segregated, we aren’t whole. Sex influences everything we do – even when we’re not being sexual. I use my sexual energies often in very non-sexual situations. There’s a huge difference between being aware of sexual energies and acting on those energies. Yet, I’m aware that I have an additional integration task to do. I need to integrate my beast into all parts of me.

The journey continues.

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