As we grow older we learn to distance ourselves from our bodies. We learn to put judgments on our erotic interests. We learn to separate ourselves from our bodies.
Nowhere is this more pronounced than in the anal area. The anus is blessed with many nerves and can experience and generate much sensation. Unfortunately, many of us learned to associate shame, disgust or even fear with anal sensations.
Many of us clamped down tight and have never let go since. We learned to armor our bodies so that we wouldn’t be shamed or punished. This armor is so tight and so pronounced that many of us aren’t even aware that it’s there.
We’re going to slowly learn to get comfortable with our anuses again. The good news is that we can learn to relax and reclaim this important part of the body.
It’s important to pay attention to pain when starting anal play. We often get ahead of ourselves and try to insert larger and larger objects. Some of us believe that it’s supposed to hurt the first few times. This is simply not true. Pain is you body’s way of telling you that you’re not relaxed enough. The tissues, when relaxed, can accommodate a large object. If it’s hurting you should slow down or stop and spend some time breathing to relax your body. Once relaxed object of most any size can be inserted easily.
Many of us aren’t used to paying attention to our anuses. The only time most of us are even aware of our anal area is when something hurts or we have to go to the bathroom. This exercise is intended to help you learn to listen to your anal area.
Begin by relaxing your body. I suggest a warm bath or shower not only to relax but to also clean the anal area. Lay down or get into a reclining position. If you’re not that familiar with your own anus, I’d recommend using a mirror so that you can get a good view.
Begin by waking up your entire body. Similar to what you did when waking up your body for genital stimulation. Include your entire body – including your genitals and your anus. Breathe deeply to relax your body!
Pay particular attention to the perineum – the area between your anus and the base of your scrotum. If you are hard, you can feel the root of your penis from this area. Include more gentle gliding strokes over your anus. Breathe deeply and relax your anus on the inhale.
With dry hands (no lube) use both hands to gently stretch open the anus. Very gently pull from opposite sides of your anus to gently expose the interior tissues. The focus of this is on the stretch to wake up the anus.
You may want to do more genital touch as well. Feel free to include as much genital touch as you like, but remember that the focus here is on your anus rather than your genitals.
We’ll then want to add some lube and do some gliding strokes concentrated on the anus. These glides can feel simply wonderful. There’s no need to go internal. You can begin by gliding your finger across your anus. It can feel especially wonderful to do a “finger walk” brushing your fingers across your anus.
Circles can feel very nice too. Take a lubed finger and make light, gentle circles around your anus. Experiment with different directions and different amounts of pressure.
Go slow. Let go of expectations and objectives. Enjoy!