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Sacred Touch for Men Relax your body. Reclaim your pleasure. Find your passion.


Posted by ed on August 3, 2014
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , , | 1 Comment

20140803_170810My boy recently moved to a new city and is going through all the expected challenges in adapting to a new location. In addition, we’ve been separated more than usual over the last few weeks and, while the distance has brought us closer, it’s also added some challenges.

Like a good Daddy, I want to be able to make things better for him. But I realize I can love, listen, and support but I can’t change the state of things. I wanted to do something symbolic to offer my support even though we’re in different locations.

We each have a chain and medallion that we both wear. They’re identical. So this afternoon I felt the impulse to seed my chain and medallion.

Seeding articles as symbolism is an important ritual for both of us. Sometimes seeding can be an amazing ritual of marking. Other times, I offer a seeding as a way to convey thoughts and energies. I performed this ritual as a way to symbolically offer my strength and support to him as he goes through his growing pains from this move.

My masturbation session was particularly satisfying and lasted for several hours. I hadn’t cum that much lately and felt the energy really circulating and engaging my entire body.

I placed the symbol on a cum rag that has hundreds of previous loads on it. I wanted to symbol to take in not only the energy from my impending ejaculation, but also take the energies from many previous orgasms.

When I felt the need to shoot, I concentrated all my attention to my body and what was happening as the energy escaped my body and landed on the symbol.

After I regained my composure, I offered a few words around turbulence, tenacity, strength and support. I completed the ritual by sitting with my feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to offer this ritual and the pleasure it generated in my body.

What’s Your Pleasure Ceiling?

Posted by ed on June 2, 2014
Posted in our body  | Tagged With: , | 1 Comment

DSC00027Pamela Madsen recently wrote a short post about a client’s pleasure ceiling. I’ve experienced this pleasure ceiling too. I’ve encountered my pleasure ceiling usually around pretty intense body experiences and I consciously realize that I can’t process any more pleasure. There is simply too much going on at the same time and I hit my max.

Pamela’s great post is directed at women. What about men? Do we have a pleasure ceiling? I believe that we do, and that our ceiling is expressed in a somewhat different way.

Of course there’s always that pesky issue with responsibility. We all (regardless of gender) have noise in our head around all the things we’re supposed to be doing rather than enjoying pleasure. Our culture has this attitude ingrained in us at a young age.

Yet, for many men, I sense that the pleasure ceiling is also due to our excessive focus on goal orientation. We’re so focused on getting somewhere (usually to ejaculation) that we don’t see the pleasure of the journey as anything else other than as a means to an end.

Look at the way most of us masturbate. We take 10 or 15 minutes, often before going to bed, to let go and show ourselves some bodily pleasure. Often we’re so focused on porn or fantasies that we aren’t fully experiencing our own bodies. Most of us are accustomed to one orgasm accompanied with an ejaculation and that’s it.

Not that one orgasm accompanied with an ejaculation is bad – it can be very pleasurable. But there’s so much more possible!

My personal experiences when I’ve hit my pleasure ceiling have been around an almost continuous orgasm. Waves and waves of pleasure engulf my body to the point where I simply can’t take any more. Of course, this type of experience doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough that I notice and savor the experience.

So what does looking at your pleasure ceiling look like? The first step is to begin to understand that ejaculation and orgasmic pleasure are not the same thing. Explore additional erotic places in your body in addition to your cock. Pleasure is available just about everywhere.

Look at your masturbation practice. Most of us learned to masturbate when we were quite young and haven’t looked at our practice much since then. See how long you can masturbate without ejaculating. Start off slow and sensual and explore your entire body. Turn off the porn and look at meditating, or quieting your head, as a way to more actively engage with your body. Explore sounds and music as an alternative to porn.

As you build the erotic energy, focus on those sensations. They will build upon themselves and take you to some amazing places. Rather than fantasizing or focusing on porn, you can bring all your attention to your bodily sensations.

When we can learn to masturbate gently and slowly for a longer time period, I’ve found that my mental noise goes quiet. It’s a meditative experience where I’m meditating on pleasure. All I notice is pleasure and nothing else matters during that time.

When I’m in this zone is when I find my pleasure ceiling. I’m also amazed at how my pleasure ceiling has expanded with practice!


Posted by ed on January 26, 2014
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , | 2 Comments

seeded mirrorIt’s been a particularly challenging week and I realized that I needed an evening to be in my body and let go of my mental noise.

I made a date with myself for the evening. I’ve found that I need to schedule time for myself lately; yes, it’s a strange feeling for me to schedule time with myself, but when I do I’m able to let go of my mental noise much more easily.

I began the evening relaxing, breathing and checking in with myself. Clear my head. How did I feel? What did I need? I felt my erotic energy was particularly strong. I hadn’t cum in a while and had a full and energetic week with clients. Lots of erotic energy to process!

Saturdays are generally Daddy/boy days but Scratch is away on a work trip. Between his schedule and mine, we haven’t had that much time together lately. I miss him, but he’ll be back. Tonight was about time for me.

I decided that I needed a long, masturbation session. I really haven’t done that much lately. I set an intention of doing nothing but masturbating for the entire evening. No particular goal other than simply enjoying my body and seeing where my body wanted to go.

I ended up having a great evening with myself. I edged. I gooned. I danced with myself. I moaned. I growled. I moved a lot of energy around.

One of the pieces of magic in my room is a mirror with a cumshot on it. I keep this as a reminder of the energy and healing that’s possible. From time to time I recharge the mirror by removing the previous shot and reseeding it with a fresh one. It was time to reseed the mirror. My intention was to welcome change and the unknown into my life and also to let go of things that have evolved and are no longer needed in my life.

Letting go and seeding the mirror is a very powerful ritual for me. I let out a thunderous growl!

Afterwards I felt energized, relaxed, grounded and refreshed. All in all a very nice reboot!

”If you don’t think that human beings are hard-wired to seek altered states of consciousness, just watch a group of children spinning around in circles and falling to the ground.”

I don’t remember where I first read this, but it’s so true. I remember back in fourth grade when we would play spinning and hold your breath games. We’d spin around and hold our breath and then feel tingly all over. I specifically remember those games as the first time I felt something sexual. Yes, it was fourth grade, but there was definitely a feeling.

I mostly remember that experience as a way into another world. In this other world experiences were altered. Things I thought weren’t possible suddenly became possible.

I’ve found that there are many ways to enter these alternate worlds. Some of these methods work out better for me than others, but intense body experiences are often a path into these states. And for me, intentional masturbation is one of the most profound paths to reach an alternate existence. Of course, I wouldn’t suggest that only focused, tantric masturbation is the only way to reach these alternate realities. There are many paths and no one path is right or wrong. This path just works well for me.

I’m also not suggesting that there is only one correct way to masturbate. Not at all. Different times require different methods. Sometimes, I’m looking for that intense experience. Other times, I just want something simpler. Nevertheless, I do understand that my solo experience can be a magical and mystical experience. Yes, it’s very pleasurable, but it’s also deeper than that. When I’m in that altered state, all the distracting noise of life just goes away.

This altered state is sometimes referred to as gooning. I’m not entirely sure I like the term, but it’s appropriate. I found this explanation of gooning on the net and it’s pretty accurate:

It’s that state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session, when a man becomes completely hypnotized by the feeling radiating from his penis. Since a gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man’s dick will have become mightily aroused at this point and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and thus keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance where his mind intimately merges with his cock to become one: the gooning state. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man’s body becomes for all intents and purposes an appendage to his erection. When this state is achieved, the male becomes freed of all social codes of conduct, and his arousal, alone, dictates his reactions. As a result, a gooned out man will become very expressive and demonstrative: he may become very vocal, while his body and face might take on undignified expressions and poses, all in response to the intensely exquisite caresses his penis is exposed to. Hence the term “goon”, since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person.

Gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation. Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents. Rather, gooning is closer to a meditation experience, where the mind and the body align, focused on a single thought (or feeling, in this case). Hence, for many gooners, gooning will be described as a liberating experience where the mind is freed of all external pressures and demands, and where the body is freed from societal expectations.

To enter the state of gooning, one has to first master the ability to edge, that is the ability to maintain sexual arousal at high level for a prolonged period of time, ideally just below the point of no-return (the moment where the orgasmic reflex is set in motion, when ejaculation becomes an inevitable fact). Edging thus requires knowledge of one body and knowledge of one’s reaction to masturbation: being able to edge may require a lot of practice in itself. Once edging is mastered, one only needs enough time, privacy (and often a sufficient amount of lube !) to reach the gooning state.

My own personal experience with reaching altered states is that letting go is also important. If I try to hard to get there, I will keep missing it. When I can let go of trying to make it happen, it just happens. This is so untypical behavior for me – I’m usually focused on goals and making things happen. Yet, letting go is crucial and I can’t try too hard. It’s more of a mental practice, similar to meditation, of letting go of thoughts until I reach a place of quietness.

When I’m edging and can let go I can get so turned on that nothing else matters during this time. My brain isn’t concerned with the usual aspects of life – I’m so aroused that my arousal is the only thing that matters. My body is completely engulfed in sensation and that’s all I’m aware of. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care what sounds I’m making. I don’t care if I look silly. I am only focused on the sensations in my body. The path to get there is to let go.

Yes, it’s an alternate reality.

Genital Shame

Posted by ed on September 12, 2013
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , | 1 Comment


What did that term become popular?

I’m sorry but neither my penis, my balls nor even my asshole is junk.

Culturally we seem to have three primary ways of referring to our genitals: clinical, vulgar or cute. I really don’t like any of these but I’ve settled on clinical. Cute terms are just too dismissive and juvenile and vulgar terms don’t recognize that our genitals have any value.

Genital shame is real. I encounter feelings of genital shame regularly in my work. We’ve categorized the penis as banal, greedy and without feeling. No wonder that so many of us experience a lack of feeling from our genitals.

A colleague, Bruce P. Grether recently wrote Penis Intelligence of Heart. I found Bruce’s words helpful:

A common cliché is that “men think with their penis” and this usually implies that it makes men do stupid or awful things. The reality behind this is that men feel with their penises, and are often ill-equipped to deal with feelings, due to conditioning about “masculinity” as well as personal history.

Yet in truth, as a human male, your penis is not at all the superficial, greedy and misleading organ that it is often labeled and assumed to actually be. In reality what often makes men do stupid things when driven by desire is not the penis itself. It is largely the conditioning that teaches men to believe that they must get sexual pleasure at the expense of someone else, regardless of consequences, and that sexuality is a way to prove something about yourself.

Limitless Bliss Beyond Understanding is available to any man through Mindful Masturbation—and this changes the entire equation, just as it changes the man himself.

In fact, it is not the brain (which many consider the seat of intelligence) that is your most powerful creative organ (and not even your magnificent penis)—rather, it is your heart. Thus the great poet and philosopher James Broughton described the penis as “the exposed tip of the heart.” This gives some hint of the genuine sensitivity, tenderness and vulnerability of the actual penis. This also suggests its incredible phallic power, as the heart in your chest has been found to exert a tremendous electromagnetic field.

Ancient Egyptians spoke of a most important quality they called “Intelligence of Heart,” akin to intuition, immediacy and authenticity, or self-trust. They considered Intelligence of Heart to be a key faculty of healthy and functional human awareness. They also considered the phallus to be a spiritual umbilical cord that connected the male body with Source. The phallus was further considered the vertical axis that connected the Earth with the Sky, Below with Above.

This tool-box of imagery points to a literal reality that is not symbolic.

To the ancients such truth was immediate and experiential in the human body in relation to the world that was its context. When you break free of social and cultural conditioning that limits you to a jokey dismissive attitude on the subject, your penis is actually an organ of Intelligence of Heart. This is not an intellectual or mental exercise—rather, it’s most likely to occur when you are able to surrender yourself to prolonged and intense high quality intervals of erotic ecstasy. This is not a struggle for therapeutic benefits, though it may require effort and persistence; rather, simply allow the ecstasy itself to do the transformational work.

The head of your penis is emotionally “smarter” than the head on your shoulders!

The luminous glow of sustained genital bliss brings you back into your body; it brings you into the present moment; it returns you from your mind to here and now… if you allow it to do the magnificent, glorious, even miraculous job for which evolution has designed it! Long ago, such pleasure may have been designed to entice you into reproducing.

However your own selective evolution has transformed the penis into an organ that is itself evolutionary when used this way—for personal growth and conscious evolution. The Intelligence of Heart of your penis can be transformational; such ecstasy helps you to become the kind of man you long to be in the depth of your soul.

Mindful Masturbation is the substrate, the baseline practice for Male Erotic Alchemy, which actually deploys pure penile pleasure as self-love to expand your consciousness, open your heart, bring you into awareness of your innate wholeness, and offer you an actual taste of your Oneness with All Things.

All of this = your Intelligence of Heart!

When the penis is perceived as greedy and misleading it’s not only due to, as Bruce mentions, “conditioning that teaches men to believe that they must get sexual pleasure at the expense of someone else” it’s also due to the shame that we feel about sexuality and, at times, our genitals. When we can express our creativity and our heart through our penis the sense of shame that so many of us experience can vanish.

Not only did James Broughton describe the penis as “the exposed tip of the heart”, he also said, “there is only ONE temple in the world and that is the human body”, and that “the proper activity in a temple is worship. Share your holiness. Visit each other’s temples.” When we look at our sexual expression as holy perceptions can dramatically change. We can experience being fully in our body not only as an act of worship but as a way to counteract all those feelings of shame that have built up over the years.

So, how to begin this journey? A great place to begin is to look at what your genitals might say to you. Write down the words and look at how those feelings of shame work both ways. Make amends with your genitals by being loving and tender. Open the connection between your heart and your penis – simply by placing one hand in each area of the body and feel the connection. Let go of expectations and welcome in the bliss that can be accessed through your genitals.

Solo Magic

Posted by ed on March 4, 2013
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This past Friday was intense.

I was with Scratch at a dance party that went into the wee hours of the morning. I’m not usually the type that stays up late, but this was a special occasion.

I spent some of the evening with my shadow – that part we all have that that is instinctual and irrational and fueled by our fears and doubts. I found myself reverting back to my junior high self – that scared boy who was desperately seeking approval and wanting to fit in but had no clue about how to do that nor any idea that being myself and getting my own approval was actually the best way to be.

Should I dance? Should I not dance? Was my costuming good enough? What was everyone thinking of me? The self inquisition just kept going on.

The space wasn’t comfortable. There were a lot of people bringing in a lot of different energies. Sure, some people were just dancing and having fun, but I seemed to grasp on the the edge of the space that was containing anger and aggression.

Finally, I retreated into the chill space where I started to just relax and collect my thoughts when we were rudely interrupted by someone barging in with his own agenda. Then after he left I was stepped on (yes, it was a bit dark.) That was it – I had to leave.

Saturday was a day of self care. I slept in late. Scratch brought a wonderful breakfast in bed. I just hung out and tried to get back into my body. I loved hanging with Scratch, but I needed to be in my own space so I headed back home.

After I got home I needed time in my body – one of those ‘Calgon take me away’ moments. I began a nice slow masturbation session. I really wanted to keep it slow – this wasn’t about grunts, groans and hardness. Rather it was about really being nice to myself.

As I continued I focused on a mirror above my altar where I keep a cumshot. Cum is magic and I realized that I needed to have a new intention above my altar around self care. What better way to symbolize my intention than to freshen the magic with a new load and a new intention.

The masturbation session went on for several more hours. During one of my breaks I took the mirror and carefully cleaned it and prepared it for a new symbol. Resuming my stroking, as I got closer and closer to to the point of no return I brought all my awareness to self care. Gazing into my own eyes and focused on self care, I experienced a thunderous orgasm and felt the energy of my seed transferring from me onto the mirror below.

I then sat in a silent meditation for a while remaining focused on self care. When complete I set the mirror aside to dry and, when ready, placed it in its proper place above my altar.

The most common area I help men with around our masturbation practice is learning how to slow down. We’re conditioned to go fast and furious. We learn this when we’re younger and many of us keep with this same speed throughout the years.

Slowing down is one of the simplest things we can do to enhance our pleasure. I made a video several years ago to show a masturbation technique that’s all about slowing down and savoring. I’m not even hard during most of this and I don’t cum. However, I do raise my erotic pleasure to amazing levels!

I recently decided to put this video on the site to show all men an alternative way of masturbation. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to masturbate; rather, there are many possibilities and I think it’s important to explore all the possibilities. Sometimes I like it fast – other time I prefer to take is slow. Here’s an example of going slow.

I wrote this for men’s site that focuses, among other things, on our sexuality. I thought I’d share it here too…

Yes, I coach men on how to make masturbation a more satisfying experience. Wait a sec, isn’t this something that most men are pretty accomplished at?

Actually I believe that many of us need help and, yes, some adventuresome men will pay for advice in this area. No, this isn’t just an excuse for a circle jerk.

Most of us learned to masturbate when we were somewhere around 11 to 14 years old. Unfortunately, as adults most of us do it the same way as we learned way back then. The quickie version that most of us still practice may have been useful for us way back when, but often isn’t that satisfying as we age.

Think about it, the early adolescent experience is focused entirely on ejaculation (usually fast and often), not getting caught (quick and quiet) and removing any evidence as quickly as possible (quickly clean up with no time to savor.) We carry this same fervent focus as adults. No wonder I hear so many men complain that while masturbation is a way to have an ejaculation, it’s really not that satisfying. It’s because we’re still wanking the same way.

It’s time to look at masturbation as an adult. So, how do we do that?

Communicate. In some ways male masturbation is the last taboo. We joke about it all the time, but when was the last time you honestly talked about it? Or even consciously thought about how to make it better? Many guys continue the habit developed when we were younger to make masturbation a hidden, furtive experience. When we were younger we hid it from parents, in school we hid it from roommates and as adults we hide it from our partners. I don’t believe that it can truly become a pleasurable practice until we communicate with our partners about it.

Masturbation is a great way when we’re younger to learn about sexuality. Later, we enter into relationships and mistakenly believe that this part of our erotic life will suddenly go away to be replaced with partnered connection. The reality for many is that both continue to co-exist. Partnered sex and solo sex meet different and complimentary human needs. One of the most intimate ways of connecting with your partner is to talk about your solo activities. Talk with your partner about your practice and find ways to be more open about what you already do. Take your masturbation out of the bathroom!

Slow down. Now that you have some room to be more open about your practice don’t be in such a rush. Warm up your body by taking the first 15 or 20 minutes and involve your entire body except for your genitals. You wouldn’t start a workout without a warm-up; erotic practice is no different. Use this time to check in with your body and discover what your body really wants. Practice quieting your mind and listen to your body. Become aware of the dissonance between what your head wants and you’re your body wants. Maybe you don’t need the usual fast and furious stroking; slow and sensual can be a nice change of pace.

Try out different strokes. Even using your other hand can offer a very different experience. When we slow down we begin to notice new and subtle sensations that are often overlooked when things are going so fast. Oh, and since you already talked with your partner, you can take your time!

Savor. Most guys use our sense of vision much more than the other senses. Close your eyes. If you’re adventurous put on a blindfold. Discover what there is to experience from the other senses. Let go of goals and bring your attention to the pleasures of the journey. By slowing down, those subtle sensations that signal an approaching orgasm become much more apparent.

I suggest looking at erotic pleasure on a scale from one to 10; one is hardly feeling anything and 10 is orgasm. Look at the subtle differences between a six and a seven. When approaching an eight, try to practice coming back down to a seven. When in the nine to 10 range, slow down even more and feel what there is to savor.

Turn off the porn. Porn can be a spark to get things started, but it quickly becomes distracting. Porn is nothing more than manufactured erotic fantasy. It takes us away from the experience. It’s all too easy to lose sensation in the body because we’re fixated on what’s on the screen. But many guys will say, “Without porn it’s boring.” When you close your eyes and bring your attention inward to savor the experience many men quickly that porn isn’t needed. If some external stimulation is important, consider aural stimulation. The sound of other people can be very exciting to hear and doesn’t remove us from our own experience.

Make it a practice. A workout regimen is a practice. Yoga is a practice. Masturbation can be a practice too. Keep striving to learn new things about yourself. Tell your partner what you’re learning and incorporate those learnings onto your lovemaking. Make masturbation a conscious choice. Set aside time to savor the gift of your body rather than looking at it the way we did when we were younger.

A practice involves conscious choices. Begin with scheduling. Find time when you aren’t rushed and can clear that task list in your head. When we’re focused on what we have to do next, it’s hard to let go and surrender to the pleasure. A great gift of sex is that it can be a mind wash to help us put all parts of life into perspective. Use this gift with intention.

Be conscious around ejaculation. Ejaculation when the body doesn’t need it is draining; ejaculation when the body does want it is life-affirming. I believe that there are times when we need to ejaculate and there are times when we don’t. Learn how to differentiate the two. Listen to your body; sometimes the message is quite loud. Follow what you body needs rather than the habits we’ve developed.

Try out some of these ideas and see what it’s like to move an important part of our erotic life to more accurately reflect our adult desires. It’s time to grow up.

Best I can tell National Masturbation Month was started by Good Vibrations back in 1995. According to the GV website:

Earlier that year, then-Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for saying that masturbation should be discussed as part of young peoples’ sex education. We were astounded. It was one of the most sensible things we’d ever heard a government official say — and it cost Elders her job! We started National Masturbation Month to raise awareness, and because we wanted to highlight the importance of masturbation for nearly everyone: it’s safe, it’s healthy, it’s free, it’s pleasurable and it helps people get to know their bodies and their sexual responses. Of all the kinds of sex people can have, masturbation is the most universal and important, yet few people talk about it freely — worse, many people still feel it is “second best” or problematic in some way. National Masturbation Month lets us emphasize how great it is: it’s natural, common and fun! This year’s theme is “D.I.Y.” Do it yourself! Nobody does it better!

One of the things I’ve noticed is that, for most guys, we learn about masturbation in our early teens and often don’t change the way we pleasure ourselves since that time. Think about it, look at what you liked when you were 13 years old. How many of those things do you like today? If you’re like most, your tastes have changed considerably, yet many of us masturbate the exact same way we did back then.

At that time our goals were to get things done quickly and quietly so that we didn’t get caught.  Consequently, we learned to go really fast, be very quiet and quickly get rid of any evidence of what we were doing.

Try something new. Slow down. Take the first 10 to 15 minutes and engage your body everywhere except your genitals. Take your time a warm up; take nice deep breaths. After this introductory time, try out different strokes. We all have our favorites, but changing the stroke can bring entirely new sensations. Go slow; let go of having to be hard and allow your body to react naturally. As you go slow and take your time, you may find some entirely new and welcome sensations. When you’re done, don’t immediately reach for the towel and get up. Savor the sensations – they keep coming. Allow yourself the luxury of taking in the entire experience.


Posted by ed on February 2, 2012
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , | 1 Comment

Last night I celebrated the pagan holiday of Imbolc with a Radical Faerie circle jerk. Although it was a very intentional and ritualized experience it was also a circle jerk – which, of course, means having to perform.

Why is it that every time a group of men get together we I have to somehow find a way to compete and perform? Even if the space is set up specifically to NOT have to compete and perform. The conditioning for competition is so deep that we do it to ourselves even if there’s no reason for it.

The space was very celebratory and loving, yet I found myself in my head as the ritual began all around performing. What if I didn’t get hard? What if I didn’t do it ‘right’? What if I did it too ‘right’? Sometimes I just wish I could find that damn off switch and shut my mind off!

Of course, I wasn’t surprised by the irony in this situation. Here I was masturbating – usually a way for me to shut my mind off – finding that I couldn’t shut my mind off. I decided to give myself permission to be myself. I retreated – on purpose. I found a space in the room that was toward the back and somewhat away from all the activity and just focused on my breath and my body. I closed my eyes. I listened to my body.

Low and behold, it started to work. My mind slowed down. I took in my breath. I took in the energy of the other men in the room and let go of having to do anything with that energy. I let go of that damned internal programming around competition and simply got present – first with my breath, then my body and then the space around me.

I then moved about the room. My Beast came out to play. He danced with other beasts. He felt the group energy. My beast learned the importance of not having to be anything other than himself.