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Sacred Touch for Men Relax your body. Reclaim your pleasure. Find your passion.

What’s Your Pleasure Ceiling?

Posted by ed on June 2, 2014
Posted in our body  | Tagged With: , | 1 Comment

DSC00027Pamela Madsen recently wrote a short post about a client’s pleasure ceiling. I’ve experienced this pleasure ceiling too. I’ve encountered my pleasure ceiling usually around pretty intense body experiences and I consciously realize that I can’t process any more pleasure. There is simply too much going on at the same time and I hit my max.

Pamela’s great post is directed at women. What about men? Do we have a pleasure ceiling? I believe that we do, and that our ceiling is expressed in a somewhat different way.

Of course there’s always that pesky issue with responsibility. We all (regardless of gender) have noise in our head around all the things we’re supposed to be doing rather than enjoying pleasure. Our culture has this attitude ingrained in us at a young age.

Yet, for many men, I sense that the pleasure ceiling is also due to our excessive focus on goal orientation. We’re so focused on getting somewhere (usually to ejaculation) that we don’t see the pleasure of the journey as anything else other than as a means to an end.

Look at the way most of us masturbate. We take 10 or 15 minutes, often before going to bed, to let go and show ourselves some bodily pleasure. Often we’re so focused on porn or fantasies that we aren’t fully experiencing our own bodies. Most of us are accustomed to one orgasm accompanied with an ejaculation and that’s it.

Not that one orgasm accompanied with an ejaculation is bad – it can be very pleasurable. But there’s so much more possible!

My personal experiences when I’ve hit my pleasure ceiling have been around an almost continuous orgasm. Waves and waves of pleasure engulf my body to the point where I simply can’t take any more. Of course, this type of experience doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough that I notice and savor the experience.

So what does looking at your pleasure ceiling look like? The first step is to begin to understand that ejaculation and orgasmic pleasure are not the same thing. Explore additional erotic places in your body in addition to your cock. Pleasure is available just about everywhere.

Look at your masturbation practice. Most of us learned to masturbate when we were quite young and haven’t looked at our practice much since then. See how long you can masturbate without ejaculating. Start off slow and sensual and explore your entire body. Turn off the porn and look at meditating, or quieting your head, as a way to more actively engage with your body. Explore sounds and music as an alternative to porn.

As you build the erotic energy, focus on those sensations. They will build upon themselves and take you to some amazing places. Rather than fantasizing or focusing on porn, you can bring all your attention to your bodily sensations.

When we can learn to masturbate gently and slowly for a longer time period, I’ve found that my mental noise goes quiet. It’s a meditative experience where I’m meditating on pleasure. All I notice is pleasure and nothing else matters during that time.

When I’m in this zone is when I find my pleasure ceiling. I’m also amazed at how my pleasure ceiling has expanded with practice!

Continuous Orgasm

Posted by ed on February 12, 2013
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , , | 2 Comments

Magic happens when I least expect it.

I’ve had many anal orgasms before. An anal orgasm is more whole body focused than a traditional penis focused orgasm. I feel it as waves of pleasure that go up and down my entire body. Sometimes there’s a bit of an ejaculation and at other time my cock just doesn’t get involved at all.

I recently had an experience of an anal orgasm that lasted and lasted. It seemed like it went on  for minutes! I was bottoming getting fisted and the person I was with was exquisitely connected to me both physically and spiritually. I began to feel those familiar waves of pleasure and they just kept coming.

Most of my brain just shut off and I relaxed into the experience. I was fully conscious of what was going on. Actually I remember reminding myself to keep my vocalizations under control. I was at someone’s home and I didn’t want to disturb his neighbors. I was aware that the energy I was creating was also impacting the room; I felt safe and cared for by the others in the space as I continued my experience.

I recently ran across a post on The Dirty Normal talking about extended orgasms: “Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, often typified by the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle. An extended orgasm is not an hour’s worth of contractions; instead, it’s… it’s like every cell in your body is vibrating at the same wavelength. It’s like you’re a bell that’s ringing. It’s a whole body orgasm rather than a genital orgasm.” While I inferred that this post was focused on women’s experiences, much of this applied to men too.

Once it was over, I just let go and enjoyed a few moments of peace and connection. Again, just when you think you’ve experienced all that erotic pleasure has to offer, you get a new, unexpected, experience!

Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, often typified by the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle. An extended orgasm is not an hour’s worth of contractions; instead, it’s… it’s like every cell in your body is vibrating at the same wavelength. It’s like you’re a bell that’s ringing. It’s a whole body orgasm rather than a genital orgasm.

The most common area I help men with around our masturbation practice is learning how to slow down. We’re conditioned to go fast and furious. We learn this when we’re younger and many of us keep with this same speed throughout the years.

Slowing down is one of the simplest things we can do to enhance our pleasure. I made a video several years ago to show a masturbation technique that’s all about slowing down and savoring. I’m not even hard during most of this and I don’t cum. However, I do raise my erotic pleasure to amazing levels!

I recently decided to put this video on the site to show all men an alternative way of masturbation. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to masturbate; rather, there are many possibilities and I think it’s important to explore all the possibilities. Sometimes I like it fast – other time I prefer to take is slow. Here’s an example of going slow.

What is Edging?

Posted by ed on January 9, 2011
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , | No Comments yet, please leave one

Imagine that terrific but oh-so-brief moment of orgasm lasting longer and longer and being a place you can return to numerous times in one session of masturbation. Let me tell you, I’ve been there. I’ve climbed those peaks and the view is great. But to get there, we’ve got to study the trail guide (spend a bit of time learning more about our anatomy) and put in plenty of practice.

Most of us learned to masturbate when we were young. At this time in our lives we knew that we needed to hide our pleasure from others – whether parents or siblings. This required us to be very efficient about masturbation. We learned to be quick and quiet. For some of us, this habit carried into adulthood. We continued to be quick and quiet to hide our masturbation from roommates, partners or spouses. This results in a lifetime of quick hidden pleasure.

Yet edging provides an opportunity to expand the pleasure. We can transform erotic pleasure from a few minutes to as long as we like! To begin with edging, the most important part is to go slow! Most of us are used to a pretty fast stroke to get hard. A fast stroke will bring a lot of erotic energy into the genitals quickly; most likely you will get hard quickly too. However, so much energy gets concentrated in the genitals that often you will ejaculate quickly too.

Edging is about getting close to that point of ejaculatory inevitability—that place where we are going shoot; nothing will stop it. Just before that point is a place of amazing pleasure. Edging is about learning how to recognize that point of ejaculatory inevitability in your body. I’ve heard some refer to edging as controlling your ejaculation. I really don’t like the term control. When we’re trying to control something we’re focused on that task. I don’t believe that we can control and enjoy at the same time. Yes, it takes a while to recognize the signs of ejaculatory inevitability, but once we can get familiar with how we respond we can learn to ride the waves of pleasure rather than try to control them!

The key to edging is to relax. Most of us are used to building excitement until we cum. This excitement is often accompanied with holding our breath and tensing our muscles. This urge to shoot is at the core of our existence—it is primal. Shooting our load feels great. At the same time, more pleasure is possible if we can learn to let go of this urge. I’ve found that the first 15 to 20 minutes of genital stimulation are critical to getting into erotic trance. During these first few minutes the body is flooded with endorphins as you begin to stimulate your penis. The usual reaction to this rush of endorphins is to reach ejaculation. During this first 15 to 20 minutes, touch your cock and balls for pleasure, but also touch all parts of your body for pleasure. Don’t focus on getting hard. In fact, I suggest that it’s best to stay soft for this exercise. Learn to experience slowly building the pleasure!

Erotic Trance

Posted by ed on December 12, 2010
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erotic tranceWhat is erotic trance? Erotic trance is a state induced by erotic activity in which we learn to completely let go, surrender to the experience and simply be present to the experience. The mental noise goes away and all we’re aware of is the sensations in the body. I think it’s close to completely letting go during meditation. Your mind is completely free. There’s no background noise – no mindless chatter about all the things in life that we all have to do. The mind goes completely quiet and the body takes over. Further, the mind lets go of the noise around our erotic lives. We’re not concerned with how we look or what the other person thinks of us. We aren’t concerned about making too much or not enough noise. We’re completely taken over by erotic sensations.

Drugs aren’t needed to access this trance. In many ways it’s like the moment of orgasm. It’s pretty hard to be occupied with lots of thoughts as you’re cumming! The primary difference is that erotic trance lasts much longer than most orgasms.

How can I get there?

The key to erotic trance is a conscious focus on the breath. Most men, when experiencing increased erotic energy, tend to hold the breath and tense the muscles. These actions keep the erotic energy from circulating throughout the body. This first exercise is intended to help you focus on your breath and also to slow down the ‘normal’ masturbation experience.

Plan on a time when you can be alone and undisturbed. You may want to turn your telephone off. Find a comfortable place where you can relax. Throughout these exercises I strongly recommend that you have a mirror close by where you can observe your body. This is especially important for men who are visually oriented – these men use their visual sense more than other senses.

Most men masturbate for under 15 minutes before ejaculation. For this exercise you’ll be breathing for 15 minutes. You may want to have a clock visible.

Position the mirror where you can see your face and most of your body. Create an atmosphere that is comforting for you. This may include candles, music, items of personal significance, or erotic toys. Use whatever works for you. I strongly recommend that you do not use porn. Porn can be a wonderful thing, but for this tutorial I invite you to put it away.

Begin the exercise by closing your eyes and checking in with your body. Note any areas that are tight or relaxed. Try not to judge you feelings – just note them. Scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

As you’re doing this check-in open your mouth and take nice deep slow breaths. Make some noise with your breath. Keep the effort only on the inhale. Let the exhale fall; there’s no need to push the exhale out.

As you’re breathing be aware of your cock and balls. There’s no need to touch them yet – just be aware that they exist. Feel your cock and balls hang. Be aware of the muscles in your pelvis. See if you can relax these muscles on the inhale. This is easier if you breathe into your belly rather than your chest.

Enjoy and savor!