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Sacred Touch for Men Relax your body. Reclaim your pleasure. Find your passion.

Faerie Wisdom

Posted by ed on May 6, 2013
Posted in connectionGay life  | Tagged With: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Beltane-poleI just returned from 10 days with the Radical Faeries celebrating Beltane.

This was my first Beltane celebration and my first extended experience with the Faeries. The entire experience unfolded rather quickly. I wasn’t planning on going until, almost at the last minute, the opportunity presented itself and I was on my way.

I’m still going through all the lessons leaned but there are definitely some highlights. Getting to the location is no easy feat. I flew into a large airport nearby and was told that someone would meet me for the drive out. How would they find me? How would I find them? I realized that I needed to dress the part so that I could be found. My answer: rainbow socks. So here I am wearing shorts, boots and rainbow socks – I could now be found if someone was looking!

The funny thing about the clothes is that I noticed absolutely no attention in San Francisco waiting for my plane to leave. Yet, when I had to change planes later that day I noticed everyone staring at me! I wasn’t that outrageously dressed. Actually, for SF it was fairly tame; yet, the stares were palpable while changing planes.

In any case, I was found at my destination and was soon on my way to whatever adventure awaited me. Lesson one – dress to be seen!

Continuing with the clothes theme, I’m not really into classic drag. Yes, I’ve put on a dress and I look really silly – and not in a good, comedic way! I always avoided drag because I felt that it just wasn’t for me. The Faeries taught me that drag is important and can be anything I want it to be. I found costuming that reflected my masculinity and my creativity. Drag isn’t simply putting on a dress; rather, it’s using wardrobe to reflect my personality. When I’m in drag that fits me my inner energy comes across much easier. Lesson two – clothes reflect who I am so pay much more attention to what I’m wearing.

I like a plan and I like to know what to expect. Yes, I teach the importance of letting go, but actually I like a well-defined sequence. The Faeries taught me to trust myself and trust that what I need will be provided to me. Keep in mind that what I may need in any given moment isn’t the same as what I think I need.

My sexual energy was somewhat off during the event. My senses were overwhelmed and I was aware of a strong disconnect between what my head wanted and what my body wanted. I kept saying to myself ‘everyone’s having sex but me!’ Poor me! I was basking in my pity – ugh!

One evening after a fun day hanging out with a bunch of new friends, I was dipping into an emotional trough. I was getting quiet and wanted some slow-down, cuddle time with someone. Sometimes after intense experiences I know I need touch time. Yet my friends were on a high and wanting more action and movement. I wanted something different.

I stepped outside and sat down by myself for a minute or two and someone came by and sat next to me and started chatting. I opened up to him and told him that I needed some cuddle time and some nice touch. We spent the evening touching, caressing and cuddling. It was exactly what I needed! Lesson three – ask for what I want.

As we were cuddling on the front porch I heard someone else walk by lamenting out loud ‘everyone’s having sex but me,’ I couldn’t help but chuckle! Lesson four – let go and trust the universe; it will provide what I need.

The return trip home was the final lesson from the Faeries. I was told to be ready for a ride to the airport at 10:30. After 10 days, time was becoming a somewhat nebulous experience, but I managed to pay attention enough to be ready to go at the designated time. I waited. I waited some more. No one showed up. After what seemed like an eternity, the driver showed up and we were on our way. Then he got lost. Then he got lost again. I was noticing the time and was beginning to wonder if I was going to make my flight. Finally we found our way onto the freeway towards the airport. Talking away in the car he drove right by the airport exit! My flight was to leave in 45 minutes! Oh no – I had bags to check. I told myself that there’s no way I would be on that plane. Breathe! Yes, I’m really breathing now!

Eventually we make it to the airport and I get checked in and my bags seem to be OK to get on the flight. I go to security and the line is extending out into the lobby. The flight is boarding and leaves in 25 minutes! Of course I pick the slowest security line and everyone else seems to be moving much faster than me. (Note the variation on ‘everyone’s having sex but me’ – ‘everyone’s moving but me!’) I finally get through security – no time to put my boots back on or even my belt. I’m running through the airport carrying my boots and belt. I get to the gate, put my boots and belt on and I’m the last one one the plane. Lesson five – let go and breathe; things will unfold as needed.

There were many more lessons during those 10 days. And I gave some lessons to others. I was asked to give a workshop and many guys came up to me and commented on how much they learned what what I talked about. I let go of having to give the perfect workshop and simply shared what was present. I felt confident among a group of people I didn’t know – yea! Lesson six – stay present. I recall some wonderful connections during the week sharing from our hearts. I loved listening and also being heard.

All in all it was a great experience; I’ll definitely be back!

Spiritual Journeys

Posted by ed on November 29, 2012
Posted in Gay life  | Tagged With: , | No Comments yet, please leave one

I’ve felt for the last decade or so that I’ve been on a somewhat delayed spiritual journey.

I recently came across a post on skokti’s blog that really resonated with me. I’ve seen so many queer men run away from their spiritual side and their spiritual needs because of agendas imposed on us by some religions. I too experienced much of this when I was younger and spent many years in the confusion over spirituality and religion. I thought that the two concepts had no room for me.

Yet, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve experienced more forms of energy as part of my consciousness. I’ve come to see that this energy allows me to get out of the prison of my mind and into other forms of perception and awareness. I started to see that life wasn’t a single path to a goal; rather, it is a series of paths many of which are parallel and don’t really go anywhere physical. Most importantly, I’ve experienced that consciousness transcends my body. I believe that consciousness doesn’t go away after death. Our body will at some point give out, but the sense of self and awareness does not depend on the body. I stopped being afraid of death and became aware of something that I can’t quantify but is more than life.

I found this passage from shokti’s post particularly relevant:

When we strip away the layers of fear, shame, guilt, pain and confusion that have been the story of human life, and especially gay life, for so very long, we will get to the SELF. Harry Hay, one of the originators of the radical faerie culture, believed gay men were naturally attuned to ‘subject-subject consciousness’ – ie we empathise with others as being the same as ourselves, not as ‘objects’ separate from us. It is hard to find evidence that this is the case – gay life seems to be built on objectification these days, with gay media and cruise sites reducing us all to little more than beautiful sexual creatures and magnifying our feelings of inadequacy. But the potential is in us to break through such illusions. Great visionaries of gay love such as Walt Whitman and Edward Carpenter saw our potential as warriors of love and peace in the human family. These are the people we should be talking about, every young gay man ought to know about their ideas. And they also ought to know that gay people have been the spiritual leaders of humanity across the globe since ancient times, then we might be more inclined to explore our own spirit, instead of denying our souls at the same time as reaching for the tina pipe or syringe (which takes us into our soul energy, where all the bliss we seeks resides). The objectification and cold-heartedness of gay life needs to be revealed as the sham it is. We are a people born to love and to evolve, it is time our queer culture supported us to find out exactly who we are.

We’ve been subjected to enough hate from others, why do we reinforce it on ourselves?


Posted by ed on December 15, 2011
Posted in connection  | Tagged With: , , | No Comments yet, please leave one

The most common thread I hear from men is a longing for connection. I’m not talking about casual friends, acquaintances or hookups. Rather, I’m talking about true, real connection with another human. True connection is hard. It requires us to be our genuine self. We have to come into connection with all our doubts, our perceived weaknesses and our humility. When we come into connection as our true selves with all our vulnerabilities and simply love and expect absolutely nothing in return magic can happen.

Here We Go Again

Posted by ed on October 10, 2011
Posted in Gay life  | Tagged With: , | No Comments yet, please leave one

hate bingoI read this morning of yet another, anti-gay ballot initiative coming in California. This time it’s in response to a new law that teaches children about the contributions of all people, including LGBT persons.

It seems like these anti-gay initiatives just won’t stop. Last time it was to discriminate against gay people in marriage. Back in the 80′s it was all about AIDS hysteria. (remember no on 69 – who would appreciate the irony in that one!)

We’re under constant attack. Yet, we also attack ourselves. Sometimes the amount of judgement on each other is incredible. It seems like all we humans like to do is stick our noses in other people’s business. So many GLBT people are constantly making comments about other GLBT people. I find the irony compelling in expecting a behavioral norm from people who spent an important time in their life running from another behavioral norm.

We have this culture that somehow believes you’re either with us or against us. Of course, the important consideration is who, exactly is us?

If you’re GLBT remember that time in your life when you were expected to conform. You tried and tried to conform, yet, somehow you knew you couldn’t and be true to yourself. We all accepted our differences and forged our own path.

What happened to leaving each other alone and letting us each forge our own path?