| Body Focused Experiences |
|
As an Sex and Intimacy Coach I combine the power of coaching with the somatic experiences of Sexological Bodywork. What's a somatic experience? Somatic means 'of the body.' So a somatic experience is an experience of the body. The primary question that traditional therapists focus on is 'why.' If you are currently in therapy, I'm available - with your consent - to work with your therapist. As a coach I believe that you are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The primary questions of Erotic Coaching are 'what do you want' and 'how does it feel in your body.' |
| Intentions |
|
Intention is a very powerful force in coaching. Intention is simply what you want from the coaching. I'm often asked what's a good intention. A good intention is generally any statement that begins with 'I want to feel...' Intentions are about the feeling, not focused on the modalities of the session. For example, 'I want to get fucked' is a want and wouldn't work for coaching. However, 'I want to feel loved' is a great intention. |
| Coaching by Phone |
|
You don't have to be in the San Francisco area to take advantage of coaching. I offer remote coaching sessions over the phone and via webcam. Email me for more information. |
| Prostate Issues |
|
An erotic coach is also a trusted partner to help you reclaim your erotic life after the effects of prostate cancer or surgery. Most medical professionals do not discuss the challenges in relearning how to be erotic after prostate surgery yet the impact of these medical procedures can be huge. Some medical professionals assume that there is no erotic life after prostate surgery. I strongly disagree! Erotic recovery from prostate surgery is possible. I've worked with many men to help re-educate the body to reclaim your erotic potential after prostate surgery. |
If someone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting will look,
lift your face and say,
Like this.
Julaluddin Rumi 1207-1273
Are you happy with your erotic life? Have you experienced truly being in sexual bliss? Do you experience blocks or obstacles to erotic ecstasy? Do you experience shame or guilt after sexual experiences? Are you happy with your body? Do you feel stuck in repeating erotic patterns? What would you like to change?
These are some of the questions that Sex & Intimacy Coaching can help you address.
The path to erotic fulfillment begins within yourself. Before you can connect with another, you need to experience confidence in yourself and acceptance of your desires.
As we are growing up, we receive many lessons from parents, teachers, and other elders. Most of us were taught that sex is a vile, nasty, evil thing. We were taught that sex is only to be used to procreate. There are alternatives. Sexuality can be a glorious, spiritual expression. What is usually missing is training on erotic pleasure. Over time, blockages can occur. These blockages can interfere with complete erotic pleasure. Sex & Intimacy Coaching is a way to reclaim your birthright and a way to retrain your body, mind and spirit and begin removing the blocks that interfere with your own sexual pleasure and your intimate connections.
Through sex & intimacy coaching you can learn:
- To feel powerful and confident by being your true self.
- To recognize and be comfortable with your sexual energy in all aspects of your life.
- To be comfortable expressing your desires and listening to the desires of your partner.
- To be confident in your sexual body and comfortable with both the raw, primal part as well as the calm, gentle part.
- To be confident with your sexual skills with a partner.
A coach is a trusted person who is completely committed to you. A coach is someone who listens to you, he helps you get clarity on what you want then helps you achieve that. He is your advocate - someone you can openly and honestly talk with. He is someone you can be completely open and honest with and express your deepest desires. He won't judge or criticize. He may challenge and push you. But most of all he is your supporter.
I bring three complimentary skills to sex and intimacy coaching. I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker - certified by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and approved by the State of California Department of Post-Secondary Education. Sexological Bodyworkers are somatic (body based), erotic educators. I have been trained by The Body Electric School as a Sacred Intimate. Sacred Intimates are specialists in embodiment, not analysis or processing. Sacred Intimacy is about how to change, not why you are wounded. I completed the Co-Active Coaching Program at The Coaches Training Institute. I weave these three complimentary backgrounds together to help you get what you want out of your erotic life.
Who Benefits from Sex Coaching?
Any man looking to improve his erotic life can benefit from sex coaching. Sex coaching is useful for men who are looking to expand or enhance their sexual lives. Sometimes we can feel that we’re stuck in a rut and the habits we’ve developed over the years no longer serve us. Through sex coaching we can explore what a truly fulfilling sex life would look like. From this exploration, we can begin to craft exercises and experiences to help you be more comfortable in exploring new opportunities.
Sometimes men are curious about a particular sexual activity and want more information. Many times we don’t know where to turn for accurate, non-judgmental information. Sex coaching can be an opportunity for you to get that information you’re looking for.
Unlike traditional therapy, sex coaching offers you a way to talk about sexual questions and also have an experience in your body to help lock in the feeling. That experience can be something simple and useful like learning to let go and receive nurturing sensual touch without having to reciprocate. In other cases, this may mean an experience of a specific activity. Often, it’s a combination of both.
For example, we can sometimes be concerned around difficulties in getting and maintaining an erection. I’ve worked with many men on erection issues. We usually begin with some discussion about what’s been going on in your life to identify any stress factors. I’ll also ask a bit about your medical history. I don’t diagnose any conditions, but recent changes in medication can impact our sexual life. Also, some medical conditions can cause erection difficulties so it’s important to speak with you medical provider. Once you’ve eliminated any medical or pharmacological issues, the concern is often around the mind noise about erections. It’s that endless loop that plays. "What if I don’t get hard?" Playing that noise itself interferes with the process. Sex coaching can help men learn to relax and be present to the sensation in our body. I’ve found that, for many men, when we’re able to relax and become present, our body does what comes naturally and erection just happens. Of course, relaxing and being present are easier said than done. Through sex coaching I can help you with this.
In addition to erection concerns, other common areas I've worked with include:
- Low or no sexual desire
- Difficulty in ejaculation
- Learning about your erotic response so you more control around ejaculation
- Learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation and experiencing whole body orgasms
- Becoming multi-orgasmic
- Developing social or dating skills
- Accessing profound ecstatic states without performance anxiety
- Exploring anal pleasure including fisting
- Confronting erotic inhibitions and becoming comfortable in asking for what you want
- Overcoming sexual boredom
- How to shop for sexual toys
- Exploring body shame issues
- Exploring power and/or submission through BDSM play
- Difficulty in setting sexual boundaries
- Integration of sexuality and spirituality
Men in Recovery
Sex coaching can be particularly effective from men in recovery from substance abuse or men who are addressing compulsive or habitual sexual behaviors. The support systems in 12 step programs are wonderful for helping to stop the addiction and begin the path toward recovery. Unfortunately, I’ve found that 12 step programs do not address how to reclaim our sexuality while staying clean and sober.
This can be a challenge for some men because, in many cases, the addiction and sex are intertwined. The recovery programs do not address how to be sexual while in recovery. Usually the model mentioned is to avoid any triggering situation; for many men sex can be a trigger. There may be a period, especially early in recovery, when refraining from sex may be needed. However, after time in recovery, men are sometimes afraid of exploring their sexuality and feel deprived of enjoyable sexual experiences. I strongly believe that you can be both clean and sober and sexually fulfilled. I’ve worked with men to help them find a fulfilling and satisfying sexual life while staying clean and sober.
Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Some men who are survivors of sexual abuse have found sex coaching helpful to learn how to have the fulfilling sexual life they want. Sometimes, male survivors have never been able to define their boundaries; sex coaching not only can help define and practice setting boundaries, but also provide an experience seeing those boundaries honored and respected. We can create practice sessions that are focused on saying no and meaning it as well as comfortably saying yes. Once we’ve set boundaries, sex coaching sessions can help create that trust that is often missing.
Some male survivors experience sex as a performance and have little experience in saying what they want. Sex coaching can help men clarify what they want and communicate their wishes. Sex coaching can help male survivors really listen to their body to see what they want rather than having to perform.
I’ve also worked with men who are experiencing unfulfilled hyper-sexuality. Hyper-sexuality is sometimes due to a lack of consciousness or fulfillment around sex. It can be more about validation than fulfillment. Sex coaching can provide experiences in seeing yourself as a whole person and can help men learn to be present and conscious around their sexual lives.
Prostate Cancer Survivors
The medical community has done wonders for men with prostate cancer or in need of prostate surgery. However, in many cases, the medical community doesn’t help survivors of prostate cancer learn how to be sexual again. It’s unfortunate, but many assume that survivors of prostate cancer won’t be sexual again.
I’ve worked with men to help reclaim their sexuality after prostate cancer. Yes, there are physiological issues that will change the way the body responds; however, it is possible to have a rich and joyous sexual life as a cancer survivor!
Boost Your Sexual Confidence
A strong sense of confidence excites others around you. It's as if that confidence turns into an energy that others can feel and are attracted to.
Sex and intimacy coaching can boost your sexual confidence, allowing you to attract your ideal partner.
Sexual confidence is available to anyone regardless of age of physical challenge. We often put limits on ourselves and our abilities. Sex and intimacy coaching can help break through these self imposed limits.
Ask For What You Want
How many times have you caught yourself holding back? Not asking for what you want because you were afraid of what others would think. Through sex coaching, you can explore how to identify and ask for what you truly want.
Some of us may find ourselves in situations where we have difficulty saying no. We may hold back saying no because we're concerned about what the other person may think.
Sex and intimacy coaching can help you define your personal boundaries. I like to differentiate boundaries from barriers. Boundaries serve both of us during our time together. Boundaries are important to ensure a safe space from which to explore and learn. Barriers are fear, shame or culturally based obstacles to pleasure, love and connection. During our time together I will invite you to explore and perhaps transcend barriers while honoring your personal boundaries.
Beginning Our Work
We start our sessions by talking about what you want. We'll focus on your thoughts, feelings and experiences with your sexual expression. We'll look at your values - what sexual fulfillment would look like for you. Then we'll create an understanding of how we'll work together. The way we work together may include talk, role play, or body based experiences to support you in achieving your erotic desires.
There are many sexuality teachers. Most of these teachers focus their efforts on the experiential aspect of sexuality. While experiential study can be helpful, these teachers aren't versed in the science behind sexuality. I have studied sexuality from both the scientific and the experiential perspective. I bring both perspectives to the work. Also some teachers have their perspectives on sexuality and pleasure. They may bring predefined beliefs and opinions to the work. Sexuality is highly individualistic; I believe that it's important to understand your boundaries, your choice and your comfort. At the same time, I will help you explore new understandings that fit in with your individual choices.
After almost every session I'll invite you to do some homework on your own or with your partner. This homework is intended to reinforce what is covered during a session. We'll talk about the assignments at our next session. This work usually is done in person at my San Francisco studio. If you're not in the San Francisco area I am available to provide coaching over the phone. Please see the Life Coaching page for more information on coaching over the phone.
Couples Intimacy Sessions
Many times couples fall into an erotic rut. The erotic energy that was very intense early in the relationship can wane as each person becomes more comfortable in the relationship. Often times, the couple is hesitant to talk about the issue because of fear.
Other times couples fall out of sync erotically - each of you may have very different erotic needs and desires. Yet, both of you are committed to the relationship and don't want to explore erotic contact with others outside of the relationship.
I work with couples to rekindle the erotic energy. I can show you how to do erotic massage on each other and offer other activities to re-ignite that spark!
I work with straight, bi and gay male couples. I ask that both partners come to at least one session. Depending on the nature of the work, we may continue the work together or I may invite each of you to experience an individual session.
I invite you to email or phone me to talk more about this important work.