Is Social Networking Putting Us Back in the Closet?

I was having an interesting discussion with a friend of mine the other evening about the impact of social networking sites like Facebook on our lives as gay men. We were talking about how our compartmentalized lives are colliding on Facebook. For example, my Facebook friends include people I knew in high school, family, other bodyworkers, friends I occasionally get together with for sex, just plain old friends and several people I don’t even think I know.

Most of us keep compartmentalized lives. We don’t need or want our work associates meeting people with whom we have sexual encounters! Yes, we can live out lives as gay men, but do you really want Aunt Martha meeting your hook-up from last week? Do you want your work associates knowing that you’re a fan of bare-chested hunky daddies?

Many gay men have, at one time or another in their lives lived in the closet. We are very familiar with that feeling of keeping some parts of our lives separate from other parts. I’m really curious if Facebook has the potential to put ourselves back in some form of a closet. Sure it’s fine to live an uncompartmentalized life when your life is easily within the social and cultural norms. But what about those of us whose lives don’t fit those norms?

Yes, I know Facebook has settings to group your friends. Those settings are tedious to use, consequently, not many people use them. Also Facebook often changes their security rules in mid-stream. For example, a recent change made every group that you’re a fan of is available on your public profile – the person viewing this doesn’t have to be your friend!

The implications of this are important. It’s not uncommon for employers to take a look at the Facebook profile of job applicants. What if a potential employer sees that you’re a fan of a sex positive group? What about political or religious groups that you may participate in? What about if you’re a fan of a gay related group and you live in a conservative rural place? Could you be subject to harassment or worse? Sure, in San Francisco it’s easy to be out; what about the rural South? To be honest, I’m concerned about the implications of all this.

I realize that I don’t have answers right now and that there are many questions about how our culture will integrate social networking. I use Facebook and I have a group on Facebook. I plan to continue to use both. I do believe that a fully integrated life is the best way to be - integrating all parts of ourselves. At the same time, I don't really want everyone I know to know everything about me. All of us want a bit of discretion in our lives. But I do wonder where the boundary is between discretion and pressure to blend in.

I have no desire to go back in the closet!

Mindful Self Loving

On a completely unrelated note, I have decided to retire the Mindful Self Loving workshops. The final event will be this Friday February 26. Come join us to celebrate and retire the workshop in style!

We'll meet at Heartwalker Studio in Oakland. The time is unchanged: doors open at 6:30 and we'll begin at 7:00 PM.

Join a circle of men who are transforming their self pleasuring practice into a meditative, fulfilling practice. Men of all ages (18+) are welcome – we’ve had men in their 20’s through their 70’s. Learn to break through self-imposed barriers and experience true pleasure in your body. Practice savoring that pleasure without the anxiety of meeting a performance standard.

I look forward to welcoming you!

Enjoy!

Ed

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