Client Newsletter - February 2010
|
Sex Addiction? 
I've noticed a bunch of sex addiction shows on TV lately and I've also noticed that I've reacted pretty strongly to many of these shows. Sex addiction is a very tricky concept. While there are people who are clearly struggling with sexual balance. There are also many people who get caught up in their own moral beliefs disguised as science. A key question is what is excessive sex. It's tempting to use some arbitrary metric to define what's excessive. However, the key question is around balance. I've worked with men who are concerned that they may be sexual addicts. I've also worked with sexual addicts. There's a big difference between these two groups. Most men who are concerned that they may be sexual addicts have a normal, healthy sexual drive but are aware of how sex phobic our culture is. I ask them questions about four main areas: fulfillment, life balance, boundaries and safety. Men with healthy sexual lives are generally fulfilled sexually. They live balanced lives; in other words their sex life is balance with all the other aspects of their life like home, career, friends, family, relationships etc. Men with healthy sexual lives are clear on their boundaries. They generally know when to say yes and when to say no. Finally, men with healthy sex lives understand safety and takes steps to minimize risk. Notice that I didn't say anything about how these men are sexual. For some men their sexual expression may be in a monogamous relationship. For others it may be at clubs or group scenes; other men may prefer solo sex. Some men are quite happy with a few sexual experiences, others are happy with a lot more. Just because someone enjoys an activity that may not be mainstream doesn't mean that there's anything wrong. On the other hand, most men I see who are sexual addicts have a common theme that their sex life is out of control. There's usually a pattern of repetitive behavior that's not satisfying. In many cases, their sexual activity severely interferes with other aspects of their life. They may be putting their health and safety at significant risk. They cannot say no and there's a overwhelming feeling of guilt. The irony is that most sexual addicts I work with may be having lots of sex but aren't happy sexually. They often don't feel embodied pleasure. I usually invite these clients to slow down and savor their pleasure with some specific suggestions. Here are some questions to consider if you think you may have an issue in this area. While a yes answer to any of these questions doesn't make you a sexual addict, a significant number of yes answers may be an indication that your sexual life if out of balance: Does your sexual activity get in the way of other important parts of your life? Unfortunately some psychotherapists bring their own judgments to their therapy and may label some behavior as evidence of sexual addiction even though it isn't. If you think that you may need help in this area I invite you to talk with several therapists. Interview them to find out their attitudes on sexual addiction. Also, seek support from people close to you. Remember that one person's definition of sexual addiction is another person's healthy sex life. On a related note, I've worked with some survivors of sexual abuse to help them reclaim their erotic life. I'll be speaking at Male Survivor's 2010 International Conference in New York on March 20. I've worked with a number of clients working to reclaim their healthy sexuality after sexual abuse. I'll be talking about my work and the benefits of bodywork and touch for men looking to reclaim their sexuality. I invite you to consider some of the events in this newsletter to explore mindful embodiment! Follow Me on Twitter!
I've really tried to hold the line on price increases; I haven't increased my bodywork rates since June 2007. Over the two and a half years, I've been absorbing increased costs but I can't hold out any longer. I have to increase my massage and bodywork rates. My session fees are still very competitive for San Francisco. The new in-person rates will be $90 for an hour, $125 for 90 minutes, $160 for 2 hours and $230 for 3 hours. These new rates will be effective on February 1. For existing clients, I'm honoring the old prices through the end of March! These price changes do not affect those who have unused sessions from a prepaid massage card. There's no price increase for your remaining sessions if you have a prepaid card. I don't want cost to get in the way of great bodywork. If you can't afford the rates please let me know. I'm happy to make financial accommodations for those needing it. Also, I volunteer massage at Positive Being to allow men living with HIV who are also financially challenged to receive bodywork. Mindful Self Loving Don't forget that Mindful Self Loving will be meeting on the fourth Friday in February and March. The upcoming dates are: Starting in April, we'll be meeting on the third Friday. I know it's a little confusing, but we'll soon settle into our new schedule. We'll continue to meet at Heartwalker Studio in Oakland. The time is unchanged: doors open at 6:30 and we'll begin at 7:00 PM. Join a circle of men who are transforming their self pleasuring practice into a meditative, fulfilling practice. Men of all ages (18+) are welcome – we’ve had men in their 20’s through their 70’s. Learn to break through self-imposed barriers and experience true pleasure in your body. Practice savoring that pleasure without the anxiety of meeting a performance standard. I look forward to welcoming you! Enjoy! Ed Copyright © 2010. Sacred Touch for Men. All rights reserved. |
