Struggle and Ease

I recently saw the movie Avatar. There's much to enjoy in this movie. But I was especially struck as how the movie showed the contrast of ease and struggle.

Without being a spoiler, the movie takes place on an alien world and showed the struggle between the native people, the Na'vi, and the humans. The Na'vi are aware of and honor the interconnectedness of everything and are quite adept at trusting their surroundings and trusting their bodies. While the humans view their experience as a struggle and a conquest.

The movie has me reflecting on how I make struggles and conquests out of simple things in my life and how much more difficult a struggle is than acceptance and adaptation. When I struggle and push back, I'm often aware how difficult everything becomes. When I accept and invite, I find that I'm much more creative and able to ease into the situation. Learning to adapt also helps me understand what's really important; the interesting thing for me is that many of the things I push against aren't really that important.

I had a great example of pushing vs. accepting in the process of getting to the movie theater. My partner and I drove over to the theater and parking was difficult. Usually parting in the area isn't a problem, but that night it was harder than usual. After looking for 10 to 15 minutes, I was getting frustrated at not finding a place to park. I saw that this frustration was really getting in the way of enjoying the evening out. I was getting irritated. After driving around blocks and not finding anything, I realized that I had a choice. I could fight it and ruin an evening out or just use a pay lot and go enjoy the movie. I decided to use the pay lot. Yes, a simple example, but a good lesson nevertheless.

Acceptance doesn't mean capitulation. Acceptance means working with what you have to find a way forward that works. For example, in the parking scenario my objective was to enjoy the evening and see a movie. My objective wasn't to get free street parking - sure that would be nice but it wasn't a requirement. Yet somehow, I was letting my desire for free parking have more importance then my real objective of enjoying a nice evening out. I thought of capitulation and just going home and sulking. Capitulating in that way would have really messed up the evening. Acceptance was about adapting to the situation and working with what was available.

Yes, this is a somewhat trivial example, but it mirrors countless examples we experience every day. How often do we find ourselves fighting against something. Why do we need the struggle? Is the reason for the struggle really important or are we in the struggle just to win - whatever that means!

For example, in my body coaching I see many men who are struggling to 'make' something happen with their body. We often have a hard time listening to our bodies and really respecting what our body wants rather than on what our mind wants. Often there's a gap between what the mind wants and what our body really needs. For example, most of us have had that experience of our body not really ready for a strong erotic experience yet the noise in our mind forcing the experience. If we ignore what the body wants and listen only to our mind, there's a struggle in the body and the experience is usually less than what it could be.

Yet, when we honor our body where we are and tailor the experience to what we really want, the experience can be much more fulfilling! I invite you to look for ease and acceptance in your life. It's not easy to always let ease in, but you'll be amazed at how it can completely change your experiences!

Mindful Self Loving

This discussion of struggle and ease can be applied to the way in which we pleasure ourselves. Sometimes we struggle to get to a particular goal in our own bodily pleasure. Yet, when we let go of that goal, we can ease ourselves into amazing spaces of pleasure. Come join us to learn more about easing into pleasure!

The schedule for Mindful Self Loving is changing. Generally, we'll be gathering the evening of the third Friday of each month; however, in February and March we'll be meeting on the fourth Friday evening. The initial schedule for 2010 is:
January 15 - 3rd Friday
February 26 - 4th Friday
March 26 - 4th Friday

Thereafter we'll be meeting on the third Friday, so the next gathering would be on April 16. I know it's a little confusing, but we'll soon settle into our new schedule. We'll continue to meet at Heartwalker Studio in Oakland. The time is unchanged: doors open at 6:30 and we'll begin at 7:00 PM.

Join a circle of men who are transforming their self pleasuring practice into a meditative, fulfilling practice. Men of all ages (18+) are welcome – we’ve had men in their 20’s through their 70’s. Learn to break through self-imposed barriers and experience true pleasure in your body. Practice savoring that pleasure without the anxiety of meeting a performance standard.

I look forward to welcoming you!

Enjoy!

Ed

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