May Newsletter

Client Newsletter - May 2009

Competition

Most guys learn to be competitive when we're very young. It's instilled in us and it permeates all parts of our lives. Youth sports, grades, science fair, having the right friends, getting the right dramatic role. There are examples of competition everywhere.

All competition isn't necessarily bad. Competition helps us achieve more than we may be able to on our own. Competition inspires us. It helps us dream big. It helps us achieve goals.

At the same time competition can also get in our way. We learn to be so focused on the goal or on winning that we forget about enjoying the journey. We can miss a lot of life by only focusing on the goals. Some of us may learn that winning is the only thing that matters and develop a habit of cheating.

This sense of competition even drives our erotic lives! We focus on the goal, the end state, a physical act. We don't see or experience the joys along the way. The goal may be finding the right partner, or penetration, or getting hard, or the ultimate blow job or whatever. The common element is that we get so fixated on the goal that we forget to enjoy the journey. We end up stuck with the noise in our head about being the best that we lose sight of this wonderful experience along the way.

So why am I writing about competition this month? Well, May is National Masturbation Month and as a way of commemorating the month and to raise funds, the Center for Sex and Culture here in San Francisco hosts an annual Masturbate-a-thon. Yes, it's just like all the other 'a-thons' except that you raise money for a wonderful non-profit by having a great time yourself!

As part of the day-long festivities there are contests for things like most time spent masturbating, most orgasms, most shooting distance, and so on. I was the record holder for longest time masturbating for several years. The San Francisco Chronicle even did an article about the event any my association with it! Check this out! (Yes, the irony of me being a former record holder and now writing about competition is not lost on me!)

I gave up this competition last year. I had my fun with it and I was clear that it was time to let go and move on. Of course, I've kept participating! This year I was watching the Japanese guy who won the record last year and I was aware that it really didn't seem like he was having that much fun. Of course he was masturbating. But here he was in this big room where many men and women were moaning and clearly enjoying themselves and he was quiet and focused. Of course, I'm making up that he wasn't enjoying himself. How do I really know for sure? But seeing him did get me wondering if he was so focused and intent on keeping and breaking the record that he wasn't really savoring the sensations in his body. Was he so focused on the competition that he wasn't really enjoying himself?

I invite you to look at where competition gets in your way. Are you so focused on a result that you forget to enjoy the journey? Learn to stop and enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers. Savor! For some of us that may just mean slowing down. For others of us, this may lead to a complete re-examination of how we live our lives.

Yet slowing down and enjoying the journey has some wonderful benefits. We get to really experience. Our stress level can be reduced. Our blood pressure can go down. We can meet some wonderful people along the way.

Take time out and enjoy the journey!

Upcoming Events!

Nellie and I will be presenting at Good Vibrations in Berkeley on Wednesday May 13 at 5:30. Stop by and see us!

Don't forget about the next Mindful Self-Loving workshop in Oakland on June 1.

Enjoy!