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Sacred Touch for Men Relax your body. Reclaim your pleasure. Find your passion.

Sex Magic

Posted by ed on March 14, 2014
Posted in our body  | Tagged With: , | 1 Comment

So far 2014 has been a year of change. I welcome much of this change, but any change requires destruction and that destruction can make me nervous.

As this past week has brought a crescendo of potential changes into my life. I see that these changes have potential to bring a lot of answers to things I’ve been wanting; nevertheless, that pesky destruction keeps coming up.

Since my head has been so occupied with all this possibility I’ve been finding sleep elusive this week. Last night I woke up again wide awake. Rather than stare at the smoke alarm light flashing, I decided to spend some time in my body.

I ended up masturbating for around two hours. I found that the head noise kept coming in. Then I would bring my attention back to the sensations and my body. Then the noise. Then back to body. Repeat.

As I kept hearing the noise of possibility, I remembered back to my 12 year old self. As I was masturbating, I recalled that first ejaculation. That first time when I felt that magic. Remembering that first time kicked me right back into my body – right back to that time in the bath tub, when I experienced my first orgasm.

As I kept that image in my mind, I could feel my body let go in preparation for another orgasm. I held the vision of my 12 year old self – the boy beginning his journey and all the possibilities ahead of him. I then had one of the most powerful orgasms of my life. My penis felt it was on fire and my body surged with energy. I released.

As I was experiencing the aftershocks, my mind kept on the vision of my 12 year old self. I started crying. Crying not of sadness – more as a release. I’ve been so needing an emotional letting go of a cry yet I usually find it so difficult to do so. This cry felt so good!

I look forward to where these opportunities may take me!

Valentine’s Day

Posted by ed on February 13, 2014
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IMGP1272-smSo Valentine’s day is Friday.

This holiday is usually associated with romantic love or bloody massacres (or both!) I’m kinda a romantic at heart. I love the support, smooching, touching and physical and emotional intimacy that romantic love can provide. I’m also aware that romantic love is culturally loaded and full of unrealistic expectations. Valentine’s day is also really hard for those of us that choose an alternate path for our intimate fulfillment. Those of us in multiple relationships have a scheduling challenge! But, I’m actually OK with the paradox that is Valentine’s day.

There’s an aspect of Valentine’s day that I’m choosing to celebrate this year – I’m going to celebrate my love for myself on Friday. This exercise can be a radical practice of self care. It can heal our core while flying in the face of cultural expectations. While everyone else is out with romantic dinners and flowers, I’m going to be happily staying home alone!

I believe that it’s impossible to accept love into our life unless we can love ourselves. Once we develop the connection with self we can make room for love from another. If we don’t think we deserve to be loved how can we accept that love from someone else?

My self-love practice is more about acceptance than anything else. I practice accepting myself as I am – not how I think I should be. I see myself as desirable – not from a narcissistic perspective, but from a perspective of acceptance. I’m certainly not better than anyone else, but I’m also no worse than anyone else. I’m quite happy with who I am.

I’m planning to spend the evening with myself and see where I want to go. I don’t have any agenda. I’ll probably start with a short meditation to check in after the day and listen to my body, my mind and my spirit. They’ll inform me of where I need to go and what I feel like doing. I’m sure that there will be some self pleasuring going on, but, again, I’m purposefully avoiding any agenda. I may have an intense edging session or I may just have some slow, subdued with my body.

I’ll probably spend a lot of time connecting with my eyes in a mirror. I find this practice very powerful as a way of affirming myself. I’m going to go out and get a really nice bar of deep dark chocolate and savor that all evening! I may spend some time with a mantra of affirmation. I may take a relaxing bubble bath. I may sit in the candlelight and howl. I really don’t know. What I do know is that this Valentine’s day is about loving someone really important to me – myself!

Reboot

Posted by ed on January 26, 2014
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , | 2 Comments

seeded mirrorIt’s been a particularly challenging week and I realized that I needed an evening to be in my body and let go of my mental noise.

I made a date with myself for the evening. I’ve found that I need to schedule time for myself lately; yes, it’s a strange feeling for me to schedule time with myself, but when I do I’m able to let go of my mental noise much more easily.

I began the evening relaxing, breathing and checking in with myself. Clear my head. How did I feel? What did I need? I felt my erotic energy was particularly strong. I hadn’t cum in a while and had a full and energetic week with clients. Lots of erotic energy to process!

Saturdays are generally Daddy/boy days but Scratch is away on a work trip. Between his schedule and mine, we haven’t had that much time together lately. I miss him, but he’ll be back. Tonight was about time for me.

I decided that I needed a long, masturbation session. I really haven’t done that much lately. I set an intention of doing nothing but masturbating for the entire evening. No particular goal other than simply enjoying my body and seeing where my body wanted to go.

I ended up having a great evening with myself. I edged. I gooned. I danced with myself. I moaned. I growled. I moved a lot of energy around.

One of the pieces of magic in my room is a mirror with a cumshot on it. I keep this as a reminder of the energy and healing that’s possible. From time to time I recharge the mirror by removing the previous shot and reseeding it with a fresh one. It was time to reseed the mirror. My intention was to welcome change and the unknown into my life and also to let go of things that have evolved and are no longer needed in my life.

Letting go and seeding the mirror is a very powerful ritual for me. I let out a thunderous growl!

Afterwards I felt energized, relaxed, grounded and refreshed. All in all a very nice reboot!

What Nature Intended

Posted by ed on November 9, 2013
Posted in our body  | Tagged With: , , | 4 Comments

A few weeks ago I decided to begin the process to restore my foreskin. I was cut as an infant and really don’t like that I didn’t have a say in the matter. Yes, it was a different time and infant circumcision was routine in the US then. I certainly don’t fault my parents; they did what they felt was best at the time. Nevertheless, I do feel a sense of loss that an important part of my body was taken with no reason.

Foreskin restoration essentially stretches the skin and, over time, the stretched skin expands. It’s a very long process that often takes years. I bought myself a restoration device as a birthday present and have been using it for several weeks.

20131107_140011-smI’m really noticing results; I’ve always have loose skin, but now the skin is covering the corona most of the time now. Generally I’m staying about 25-33% covered. The color and texture of my glans is changing too! It’s hard to see in the photo, but the part that is regularly covered is brighter and shinier than where there’s no covering.

I’m noticing the feeling of coverage during the course of the day. I have to say the feeling of being covered feels very comforting and safe. It’s kind of a strange feeling, but I really do notice when I’m covered and it feels good!

My motivation for restoring is to restore sensitivity. I strongly feel that removing a part of our anatomy without medical need or consent is completely wrong. I want to feel what nature intended and I’m really motivated that I’m seeing and feeling progress!

The most amazing thing is that I’m noticing significantly increased sensitivity when masturbating! I am very aware of a ring around the base of my glans that is especially pleasurable.

I’m loving what I’m noticing so far! Restoringforeskin.org is a great resource if you want to find out more about this.

”If you don’t think that human beings are hard-wired to seek altered states of consciousness, just watch a group of children spinning around in circles and falling to the ground.”

I don’t remember where I first read this, but it’s so true. I remember back in fourth grade when we would play spinning and hold your breath games. We’d spin around and hold our breath and then feel tingly all over. I specifically remember those games as the first time I felt something sexual. Yes, it was fourth grade, but there was definitely a feeling.

I mostly remember that experience as a way into another world. In this other world experiences were altered. Things I thought weren’t possible suddenly became possible.

I’ve found that there are many ways to enter these alternate worlds. Some of these methods work out better for me than others, but intense body experiences are often a path into these states. And for me, intentional masturbation is one of the most profound paths to reach an alternate existence. Of course, I wouldn’t suggest that only focused, tantric masturbation is the only way to reach these alternate realities. There are many paths and no one path is right or wrong. This path just works well for me.

I’m also not suggesting that there is only one correct way to masturbate. Not at all. Different times require different methods. Sometimes, I’m looking for that intense experience. Other times, I just want something simpler. Nevertheless, I do understand that my solo experience can be a magical and mystical experience. Yes, it’s very pleasurable, but it’s also deeper than that. When I’m in that altered state, all the distracting noise of life just goes away.

This altered state is sometimes referred to as gooning. I’m not entirely sure I like the term, but it’s appropriate. I found this explanation of gooning on the net and it’s pretty accurate:

It’s that state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session, when a man becomes completely hypnotized by the feeling radiating from his penis. Since a gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man’s dick will have become mightily aroused at this point and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and thus keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance where his mind intimately merges with his cock to become one: the gooning state. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man’s body becomes for all intents and purposes an appendage to his erection. When this state is achieved, the male becomes freed of all social codes of conduct, and his arousal, alone, dictates his reactions. As a result, a gooned out man will become very expressive and demonstrative: he may become very vocal, while his body and face might take on undignified expressions and poses, all in response to the intensely exquisite caresses his penis is exposed to. Hence the term “goon”, since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person.

Gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation. Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents. Rather, gooning is closer to a meditation experience, where the mind and the body align, focused on a single thought (or feeling, in this case). Hence, for many gooners, gooning will be described as a liberating experience where the mind is freed of all external pressures and demands, and where the body is freed from societal expectations.

To enter the state of gooning, one has to first master the ability to edge, that is the ability to maintain sexual arousal at high level for a prolonged period of time, ideally just below the point of no-return (the moment where the orgasmic reflex is set in motion, when ejaculation becomes an inevitable fact). Edging thus requires knowledge of one body and knowledge of one’s reaction to masturbation: being able to edge may require a lot of practice in itself. Once edging is mastered, one only needs enough time, privacy (and often a sufficient amount of lube !) to reach the gooning state.

My own personal experience with reaching altered states is that letting go is also important. If I try to hard to get there, I will keep missing it. When I can let go of trying to make it happen, it just happens. This is so untypical behavior for me – I’m usually focused on goals and making things happen. Yet, letting go is crucial and I can’t try too hard. It’s more of a mental practice, similar to meditation, of letting go of thoughts until I reach a place of quietness.

When I’m edging and can let go I can get so turned on that nothing else matters during this time. My brain isn’t concerned with the usual aspects of life – I’m so aroused that my arousal is the only thing that matters. My body is completely engulfed in sensation and that’s all I’m aware of. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care what sounds I’m making. I don’t care if I look silly. I am only focused on the sensations in my body. The path to get there is to let go.

Yes, it’s an alternate reality.

Genital Shame

Posted by ed on September 12, 2013
Posted in conscious sexuality  | Tagged With: , , | 1 Comment

Junk.

What did that term become popular?

I’m sorry but neither my penis, my balls nor even my asshole is junk.

Culturally we seem to have three primary ways of referring to our genitals: clinical, vulgar or cute. I really don’t like any of these but I’ve settled on clinical. Cute terms are just too dismissive and juvenile and vulgar terms don’t recognize that our genitals have any value.

Genital shame is real. I encounter feelings of genital shame regularly in my work. We’ve categorized the penis as banal, greedy and without feeling. No wonder that so many of us experience a lack of feeling from our genitals.

A colleague, Bruce P. Grether recently wrote Penis Intelligence of Heart. I found Bruce’s words helpful:

A common cliché is that “men think with their penis” and this usually implies that it makes men do stupid or awful things. The reality behind this is that men feel with their penises, and are often ill-equipped to deal with feelings, due to conditioning about “masculinity” as well as personal history.

Yet in truth, as a human male, your penis is not at all the superficial, greedy and misleading organ that it is often labeled and assumed to actually be. In reality what often makes men do stupid things when driven by desire is not the penis itself. It is largely the conditioning that teaches men to believe that they must get sexual pleasure at the expense of someone else, regardless of consequences, and that sexuality is a way to prove something about yourself.

Limitless Bliss Beyond Understanding is available to any man through Mindful Masturbation—and this changes the entire equation, just as it changes the man himself.

In fact, it is not the brain (which many consider the seat of intelligence) that is your most powerful creative organ (and not even your magnificent penis)—rather, it is your heart. Thus the great poet and philosopher James Broughton described the penis as “the exposed tip of the heart.” This gives some hint of the genuine sensitivity, tenderness and vulnerability of the actual penis. This also suggests its incredible phallic power, as the heart in your chest has been found to exert a tremendous electromagnetic field.

Ancient Egyptians spoke of a most important quality they called “Intelligence of Heart,” akin to intuition, immediacy and authenticity, or self-trust. They considered Intelligence of Heart to be a key faculty of healthy and functional human awareness. They also considered the phallus to be a spiritual umbilical cord that connected the male body with Source. The phallus was further considered the vertical axis that connected the Earth with the Sky, Below with Above.

This tool-box of imagery points to a literal reality that is not symbolic.

To the ancients such truth was immediate and experiential in the human body in relation to the world that was its context. When you break free of social and cultural conditioning that limits you to a jokey dismissive attitude on the subject, your penis is actually an organ of Intelligence of Heart. This is not an intellectual or mental exercise—rather, it’s most likely to occur when you are able to surrender yourself to prolonged and intense high quality intervals of erotic ecstasy. This is not a struggle for therapeutic benefits, though it may require effort and persistence; rather, simply allow the ecstasy itself to do the transformational work.

The head of your penis is emotionally “smarter” than the head on your shoulders!

The luminous glow of sustained genital bliss brings you back into your body; it brings you into the present moment; it returns you from your mind to here and now… if you allow it to do the magnificent, glorious, even miraculous job for which evolution has designed it! Long ago, such pleasure may have been designed to entice you into reproducing.

However your own selective evolution has transformed the penis into an organ that is itself evolutionary when used this way—for personal growth and conscious evolution. The Intelligence of Heart of your penis can be transformational; such ecstasy helps you to become the kind of man you long to be in the depth of your soul.

Mindful Masturbation is the substrate, the baseline practice for Male Erotic Alchemy, which actually deploys pure penile pleasure as self-love to expand your consciousness, open your heart, bring you into awareness of your innate wholeness, and offer you an actual taste of your Oneness with All Things.

All of this = your Intelligence of Heart!

When the penis is perceived as greedy and misleading it’s not only due to, as Bruce mentions, “conditioning that teaches men to believe that they must get sexual pleasure at the expense of someone else” it’s also due to the shame that we feel about sexuality and, at times, our genitals. When we can express our creativity and our heart through our penis the sense of shame that so many of us experience can vanish.

Not only did James Broughton describe the penis as “the exposed tip of the heart”, he also said, “there is only ONE temple in the world and that is the human body”, and that “the proper activity in a temple is worship. Share your holiness. Visit each other’s temples.” When we look at our sexual expression as holy perceptions can dramatically change. We can experience being fully in our body not only as an act of worship but as a way to counteract all those feelings of shame that have built up over the years.

So, how to begin this journey? A great place to begin is to look at what your genitals might say to you. Write down the words and look at how those feelings of shame work both ways. Make amends with your genitals by being loving and tender. Open the connection between your heart and your penis – simply by placing one hand in each area of the body and feel the connection. Let go of expectations and welcome in the bliss that can be accessed through your genitals.

Measuring Up

Posted by ed on August 2, 2013
Posted in masculinityour body  | Tagged With: , | No Comments yet, please leave one

post130802Body Dysmorphia (not liking our own body) is very common in men. There are many parts of the body that we can feel shame around, but penis size is one of, if not the most common concern.

A lot of us compare ourselves to images of naked men that we may see often. Most of these images are from porn. So we’re trying to compare ourselves to a group of men who have auditioned and were selected solely for the look of their bodies. Hmmm, something is wrong here!

So what about the average guy. How big is the average cock? Many studies have tried to answer this question, but getting accurate information is hard since most guys will inflate the dimensions. Here’s an interesting, if statistically limited, study that did a good job to obtain accurate information.

And, yes, the numbers are much smaller than most of us thought. I know it’s easier said than done, but we can learn to be happy with what we have!

I’ve run into many guys lately spending a lot of time in various forms of online relationships. I’ve said to almost all of them that I really don’t understand the preoccupation we’re having with online relationships.

Really, how many times can I say hello to someone I don’t know on Grindr or Skruff? I’ve never met anyone from these apps and I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re just for playing around.

There are only 24 hours in a day and I much prefer real physical relationships over virtual, online ones. Sure it’s nice to keep in touch with friends who aren’t in my area, but that is a poor substitute for real connection.

Yet, I think we’ve managed to create a situation where many of our relationships are virtual. Even look at our sex scandals lately, Anthony Weiner didn’t actually have any sex yet he’s in the midst of a sex scandal without having any actual sex! As written in the Huffington Post, “Instead, Weiner, like so many others online, has become accustomed to on-demand sexuality, where relationships with another person are convenient, controllable and entirely on his terms. We’re adopting an Amazon.com or Seamless Web approach to our sex lives, expecting that sexual fulfillment can be ordered up over the Internet like sneakers or pad thai.”

Setting aside the political scandal, I’ve seen this version of sanitized, virtual relationships way too much lately. We’ve created our equivalent of the Star Trek holodeck, where any fantasy can be manufactured. The unfortunate impact is that no real person will ever live up to our fantasy creations.

The challenge in any relationship is how we navigate through the things that don’t quite work for us. These virtual relationships that we create online don’t have any defects so we’ve lost skill and patience navigating though those imperfections when they occur in real life.

I’ll take real flesh and blood over bits any day.

Toxic Masculinity

Posted by ed on July 25, 2013
Posted in masculinity  | Tagged With: , , | 1 Comment

toxic-mascI just wrote about masks several days ago and this morning I read about a Kickstarter campaign for a documentary on how we’re failing our boys. I find this documentary fascinating because I have yet to see a good definition of what masculinity is. Yet, I’ve experienced when I’ve fallen short of that definition throughout my life.

We hide behind a mask of supposed masculinity lest anyone find out about our anxieties. We stay stoic and unemotional lest anyone see our vulnerability. (Then we wonder why others find us unapproachable.)

I can’t define what masculinity is either. Yes, I can offer examples and there are those in my life who I believe are good models for masculinity. The common thread I see in these models is a paradox of masculinity.

The first paradox is to be strong yet vulnerable. There’s much to admire about strength. It took many lessons for me to understand that I can be vulnerable and strong at the same time. We need more models of this.

Another paradox is to be fierce yet compassionate. Fierceness is about staying determined and focused toward my goals. Fierceness doesn’t mean climbing over everyone else in order to get to my goals. We can be both focused and compassionate but there are so few models on how to behave in this way. I’m still learning.

Masculinity is about being stable yet emotional. I know I’ve often thought these these two concepts were mutually exclusive – nothing is further from the truth. Stability and courage go hand in hand with fright and anxiety. I’m learning, sometimes with great challenges, that it’s possible to be both strong and stable for myself and for others while also accepting my own fear and anxiety.

Finally, men are primal yet tender. Yes, we can express ourselves in a raw primal way. At the same time we can be tender, caring and affectionate. Testosterone is a powerful drug. It can, and often does, make us crazy, angry, and very very horny. At the same time, we can learn to balance those primal feelings with tenderness.

I believe that these are some key lessons in masculinity.

The First Time

Posted by ed on May 27, 2013
Posted in our body  | Tagged With: , , | No Comments yet, please leave one

I remember it vividly – like it was yesterday.

I was the summer of 1972 and I was 11 years old. I was already enjoying the sensations from masturbating by this time but hadn’t yet experienced an orgasm and ejaculation. I remember masturbating in the tub and this time it felt very different. The sensations were much stronger and I was very aware of the buildup in my body. Before I knew it I experienced my first ejaculation.

Thanks to some slightly older friends I was expecting this. I was so excited! I wanted to tell the world. Yet I knew that I couldn’t say anything.

I’m curious if this scenario sets a cycle of shame around our sexuality. This is a momentous event in a boy’s life yet very few can talk about it. This event could be a great opportunity to create ritual to celebrate and share wisdom around sexuality. Instead, through fear and ignorance, we use it as an opportunity to reinforce sex based shame.

I’ve heard from some men that their first time was frightening. They didn’t know what was happening and were completely surprised by their ejaculation. Some men have vivid memories that they somehow injured themselves. I can only imagine how such a frightening experience impacted their sexuality.

Yes, my father did have the sex talk with me. Clearly, he came from a different generation and I’m sure he did the best he could. But the talk came a bit late; by the time of the talk I was already aware of pretty much everything he had to say. I could tell he was clearly uncomfortable with this talk and, consequently, I didn’t engage him any further.

I’ve spoken with fathers who are very adept at answering their kids’ questions about life and sex in an age-appropriate, sex-positive way. An initial healthy message would go so far to open dialog between a father and son​. With this existing open dialog there’s a increased likelihood that a boy would feel comfortable talking with his father about this important event and setting the stage for a healthy, happy erotic life.

What better gift could a father give his son?