How did you learn to pleasure yourself?
If you're like many men, you learned as a child and haven't really changed the way you pleasure yourself since then. Almost every man loves masturbating. But how much true enjoyment do we receive from masturbation? What ecstatic states do we enjoy from masturbating? Can masturbation be a spiritual experience?
This most common and safest form of sex remains shrouded by taboo, ignorance and shame. These feelings can get in the way of being in pure erotic bliss.
Often, masturbation becomes a way of coping with uncontrolled emotions - including boredom. Many men find that masturbation becomes habitual. Often we focus on some outside stimulus like porn rather than on focusing on what we're feeling in our body. Often men masturbate to quickly relieve tension. These men may find that masturbation becomes a daily habit rather than a truly pleasurable experience.
But many men continue to feel guilt, shame or at least embarrassment about how much they love masturbating. Therefore masturbation is kept hidden and practiced furtively. This usually prevents the process from becoming deeply rewarding and nourishing. In fact, most men get stuck in a repetitive and predictable habit - often learned at a young age - of merely relieving sexual tension. Masturbation coaching gives men the opportunity to learn enhanced masturbatory skills and experience profound pleasure in our bodies with a qualified and supportive coach.
Masturbation coaching is intended to help you recognize and address blocks that prevent us from reaching new heights of ecstasy from self-pleasuring. Masturbation coaching helps you pay full attention to what you are doing while pleasuring yourself; waking up your entire body to its full erotic potential. It can help you restore the natural connection between your genitals and your heart. Engaging your entire body - not just your penis.
A coach is someone who listens to you, he helps you get clarity on what you want then helps you achieve that. He is your advocate - someone you can openly and honestly talk with. He won't judge or criticize. He may challenge and push you. But most of all he is your supporter.
How many of us have someone we can have this kind of relationship with when it comes to our erotic pleasure? Many times the mention of the word 'masturbation' brings up jokes or nervous laughter. Almost all of us do it, but no one talks or listens seriously about it. It's time to change that!
There are many areas we can explore together. I begin each coaching relationship with a questionnaire to help you clarify your wants and desires. You may be looking for ways to enhance your pleasure, looking to seek a positive body image, confront shame, integrate spirituality with your erotic pleasure, learn to enhance ejaculation, learn to experience pleasure without ejaculation, learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation. The possibilities are endless!
Each session and each client are different. Some of our sessions will involve talking and other forms of communication. Some may include breathing and movement. Some may include touch - either me touching you or you touching yourself. Same sessions will be easy for you; others may be a challenge. I will usually ask you to do some homework play assignments on your own too. These assignments can provide you with powerful insight and awareness.
One of my core beliefs is that you can't be erotic with other people until you learn how to be erotic with yourself. Many men find that masturbation coaching helps them in their relationships by being more comfortable with their own erotic needs and helps foster better communication among partners. In fact, one of my teachers - Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. - believes that one third of the men and women who see psychotherapists just need to learn to masturbate better. Rather than psychotherapy, they need sex coaching.
I first learned about masturbation, like most men, from my friends. I was 11 years old when my friends told me of this wonderful activity I could do with myself. From the first time, I was mesmerized. I vividly remember the wonderful feelings that came to me - even if I wasn't old enough yet to ejaculate. Something definitely grabbed me and hasn't let go since.
As I grew older I thought that masturbation was 'second best.' It would do if no one else was available, but that erotic activity with someone else was somehow better. I threw myself into dating and relationships. I met many wonderful people, but could just never hit it off erotically.
In college I came out as a man erotically attracted to other men. Part of my internal struggle with coming to terms with my sexuality also led me to begin a life-long exploration of masturbation. I came to terms with my own masturbation. I realized, perhaps for the first time, that it would not be possible for me to be in an erotic relationship with another man until I first was in an erotic relationship with myself.
As I further dove into auto-erotic exploration I stumbled on an amazing thing - the longer I masturbated without ejaculating the more likely I was to reach incredible states of erotic ecstasy. At first, I thought this was some kind of magick only for me; but eventually I realized that many people were reaching these incredible states.
Through my experiences I came to realize that the feelings of ejaculation are a sacred gift to men, but that there are many additional states that are possible by shifting my focus away from ejaculation. Many words have been written on the pros and cons of ejaculation. I've come to practice the concept of conscious ejaculation - doing it consciously and surrendering to the pleasure. While we're on the subject of ejaculation, I also strongly believe in the importance of honoring semen. Many men look at semen as a mess to wipe up afterwards. I believe it's important to honor it by consciously doing something with it. As examples, anointing yourself with your semen or eating or licking your semen are both wonderful ways to honor your body.
As I continued on my journey, one of the most powerful realizations for me was a recognition and celebration of my inner beast. I spent many years repressing this part of me because I was afraid of it. After a lot of self-reflection, I came to honor the beast. It is the beast that makes me who I am. It is the beast that drives me to my goals. It is the beast that is erotic. Being afraid of my inner beast was, to me, like being afraid of my penis.
I've come to celebrate the beast in my masturbation rituals. I am quite vocal in letting the beast come out to play. I've come to accept the beast as a benevolent part of me that just wants to play and express himself. The beast is both the power and the pleasure that comes from my core. I celebrate him during my masturbation!
To me there's also a spiritual dimension to masturbating mindfully. The pleasure I've felt during Mindful Masturbation has helped me past body shame concerns. I've come to appreciate being in my body - which helped me to greatly improve my feelings about myself. I've learned the importance of taking care of my body and I am in awe of the higher power that created it for me.
I invite you to email or phone me to talk more about this important work.
| Why? |
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One of the first questions I hear about masturbation coaching is "Why do I need a coach for masturbation? I learned how to do this many years ago and I'm quite good at it. What else is there to learn?" This is precisely why masturbation coaching is so powerful. Most of us masturbate the same way we did when we were much younger. Does the way you learned to masturbate still serve you today when you are older and more experienced? If not, then coaching may be for you. |
| Experience It |
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I am developing a regular group event in the San Francisco area where men can gather to explore mindful, tantric masturbation in a safe space with other men. This event is not a traditional 'circle jerk'. It will be a focused introspective, meditative event where men can gather to explore and celebrate the spiritual side of masturbation. Send me an email if you would like to be included on the mailing list for this event. |
| Erotic Trance |
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Every man is capable of inducing erotic trance states without any drugs. Erotic trance is the state where you are so aware of your erotic energy that everything else fades away. The noisy mind is quiet and your only focus is on what you're feeling. I've found that mindful masturbation is an excellent way to access erotic trance. There's no magic to accessing erotic trance, but it does take some practice. The video library is a great place to start to view videos on accessing erotic trance. If you would like more individual coaching feel free to contact me. |