This was my first Beltane celebration and my first extended experience with the Faeries. The entire experience unfolded rather quickly. I wasn’t planning on going until, almost at the last minute, the opportunity presented itself and I was on my way.

I’m still going through all the lessons leaned but there are definitely some highlights. Getting to the location is no easy feat. I flew into a large airport nearby and was told that someone would meet me for the drive out. How would they find me? How would I find them? I realized that I needed to dress the part so that I could be found. My answer: rainbow socks. So here I am wearing shorts, boots and rainbow socks – I could now be found if someone was looking!

The funny thing about the clothes is that I noticed absolutely no attention in San Francisco waiting for my plane to leave. Yet, when I had to change planes later that day I noticed everyone staring at me! I wasn’t that outrageously dressed. Actually, for SF it was fairly tame; yet, the stares were palpable while changing planes.

In any case, I was found at my destination and was soon on my way to whatever adventure awaited me. Lesson one – dress to be seen!

Continuing with the clothes theme, I’m not really into classic drag. Yes, I’ve put on a dress and I look really silly – and not in a good, comedic way! I always avoided drag because I felt that it just wasn’t for me. The Faeries taught me that drag is important and can be anything I want it to be. I found costuming that reflected my masculinity and my creativity. Drag isn’t simply putting on a dress; rather, it’s using wardrobe to reflect my personality. When I’m in drag that fits me my inner energy comes across much easier. Lesson two – clothes reflect who I am so pay much more attention to what I’m wearing.

I like a plan and I like to know what to expect. Yes, I teach the importance of letting go, but actually I like a well-defined sequence. The Faeries taught me to trust myself and trust that what I need will be provided to me. Keep in mind that what I may need in any given moment isn’t the same as what I think I need.

My sexual energy was somewhat off during the event. My senses were overwhelmed and I was aware of a strong disconnect between what my head wanted and what my body wanted. I kept saying to myself ‘everyone’s having sex but me!’ Poor me! I was basking in my pity – ugh!

One evening after a fun day hanging out with a bunch of new friends, I was dipping into an emotional trough. I was getting quiet and wanted some slow-down, cuddle time with someone. Sometimes after intense experiences I know I need touch time. Yet my friends were on a high and wanting more action and movement. I wanted something different.

I stepped outside and sat down by myself for a minute or two and someone came by and sat next to me and started chatting. I opened up to him and told him that I needed some cuddle time and some nice touch. We spent the evening touching, caressing and cuddling. It was exactly what I needed! Lesson three – ask for what I want.

As we were cuddling on the front porch I heard someone else walk by lamenting out loud ‘everyone’s having sex but me,’ I couldn’t help but chuckle! Lesson four – let go and trust the universe; it will provide what I need.

The return trip home was the final lesson from the Faeries. I was told to be ready for a ride to the airport at 10:30. After 10 days, time was becoming a somewhat nebulous experience, but I managed to pay attention enough to be ready to go at the designated time. I waited. I waited some more. No one showed up. After what seemed like an eternity, the driver showed up and we were on our way. Then he got lost. Then he got lost again. I was noticing the time and was beginning to wonder if I was going to make my flight. Finally we found our way onto the freeway towards the airport. Talking away in the car he drove right by the airport exit! My flight was to leave in 45 minutes! Oh no – I had bags to check. I told myself that there’s no way I would be on that plane. Breathe! Yes, I’m really breathing now!

Eventually we make it to the airport and I get checked in and my bags seem to be OK to get on the flight. I go to security and the line is extending out into the lobby. The flight is boarding and leaves in 25 minutes! Of course I pick the slowest security line and everyone else seems to be moving much faster than me. (Note the variation on ‘everyone’s having sex but me’ – ‘everyone’s moving but me!’) I finally get through security – no time to put my boots back on or even my belt. I’m running through the airport carrying my boots and belt. I get to the gate, put my boots and belt on and I’m the last one one the plane. Lesson five – let go and breathe; things will unfold as needed.

There were many more lessons during those 10 days. And I gave some lessons to others. I was asked to give a workshop and many guys came up to me and commented on how much they learned what what I talked about. I let go of having to give the perfect workshop and simply shared what was present. I felt confident among a group of people I didn’t know – yea! Lesson six – stay present. I recall some wonderful connections during the week sharing from our hearts. I loved listening and also being heard.

All in all it was a great experience; I’ll definitely be back!

Faerie Wisdom is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

I’m still haven’t received the message of a name – or something in addition to my given name that resonates with who I am. However, I have found that I feel a strong affinity toward deer.

I appreciate the strong masculinity coupled with a predominately non-violent way of being. Scent is an important way for me to communicate with my intimates. I like the stag’s way of marking his territory through leaving his scent.

Deer are very alert animals. I consider myself pretty alert and somewhat skittish in new environments – similar to the deer. Once I get to know a space I can be very comfortable, but that does take a bit of time for me.

I recently found a deer tail done by an artist in Oregon. After pondering the tail for a day or so, I realized that it would be the perfect symbol of my connection to deer. The tail arrived today. I spent time this evening engaging in a handshake with the tail. A friend recently told me of the term handshaking to signify an intentional process around getting acquainted with an energy. I strongly feel the need to begin my relationship with the deer tail with a handshake. This evening I simply felt the tail and had it rest on my heart for a bit. It felt right.

I’m looking forward to developing this relationship more!

My Totem is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

Everyone should have the right to marry anyone they want regardless of gender. Marriage equality is important to ensure that GLBT couples who wish to have the ability to marry can do so.

But I’m concerned that this preoccupation with marriage equality is distancing us from other, very important, social justice causes. GLBT people are still at higher risk for suicide and other mental and physical health issues. We don’t have the social structures in place to live out our senior years with dignity and pride. While overt job discrimination is rare, less obvious discrimination practices continue. The pink ceiling still exists in many organizations. HIV is still a real issue. The list of important social justice causes is long.

I question if marriage equality is pressuring us to assimilate. If we look like and behave like everyone else then all is good in gaytown. The problem is that we aren’t like everyone else. I grew up differently than my straight peers. They didn’t have to spend decades hiding who they were out of fear. They didn’t have to furtively explore their sexuality out of fear of being caught, outed, or worse. They didn’t have to deal with hate and anger from within their own family.

i have no desire to be assimilated. I am happy with my, by some definition, unusual life. I enjoy and am filled by the many relationships in my life – I can’t imagine being in a place where I can only have one relationship. I love expressing my connection with others and my connection with spirit though kink. I have no desire for only one flavor. I like the many interesting people in my community; I don’t want to live in a world where everyone’s the same. Yea, I like shaking things up and keeping a bit of weirdness in my life.

I welcome the day when marriage is available to all. More importantly, I welcome the day when we’re all free to be exactly who we are.

There’s more to social justice than marriage equality is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

As I was preping the guys on listening to their bodies, I was acutely aware that I really needed to listen to my own advice and listen to mine too. I could feel the tension in my neck and really enjoyed the self massage. My own touch felt so soothing and relaxing and I could begin to feel some of the stress of the day fade away.

There were six guys there for the class – a little on the low end. I’ve had as many as 18 and as few as three. The guys there seemed to represent a wide cross section of the decades – 20′s though 60′s. I really liked the mixture because I believe that the generations have much to teach and remind each other about.

I began the undressing part of the evening. I like to be very intentional about the group undressing; some of us are apprehensive about nudity while others may not give it any thought at all. The undressing ritual was very inward focused – helping each man feel his own body as we were undressing.

As I was undressing, I also felt my erotic energy coming on a bit. The self relaxation and slowing down helped me begin to connect with my erotic self. As I felt more at ease I also felt my erotic energy stirring more. At some point during most classes my attention shifts from conducting the class into my personal journey for the evening. This evening the energy from the men attending felt really sweet and I was able to let go of conducting earlier than I usually do.

I was noticing that all of the men were going an amazing job of interacting with each other while also respecting each other’s personal space and boundaries. The energy exchange going on in that room was amazing! I loved watching the facial expression of the men encouraging the others in the group.

After about an hour of this sensual bliss every man had cum. Each of us on our own time shot on a sheet that I bring. As we were completing the evening I asked if the men wanted to share anything about the experience; several commented on the extensively cum stained sheet being a great holder of our collective energies. I couldn’t agree more!

An Experience at Mindful Self Loving is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

I started the day taking the new puppy to puppy play time. It was fun watching him run around and play with the other puppies. Not only is he socializing with other dogs but he’s learning how to communicate, interact and get what he wants.

Saturday evening was full of play of a different kind. I had the opportunity to reconnect with my play energy around sex. We’re often so focused on competition, finding the perfect partner, being the biggest or the best. We so often look at sex as sport; we turn it into a competition with winners and losers. (Usually we make our self the loser.) I’ve found an amazing feeling of joy and freedom letting go of the competition and looking at sex as play.

We so often equate sex and power. Our cultural history is around using sex as power and controlling sexual behavior to keep power concentrated in existing institutions. When we look as sex as an expression of power it’s all about our egos. Yet, we’re always wondering if we’re actually good enough to wield all that power. Am I buff enough? Is my penis big enough? Is my income enough?

We also live in a culture that reinforces how imperfect we are. Almost any television commercial tells us if we drive the right car, wear the right clothes, use the right paint or take the right pill we’ll be perfect and desirable (oh yea, rock hard too.) It’s as if we can’t help but go around aware of how much we’re lacking.

Yet, when we equate sex with play a dramatic shift occurs. We can learn to let go of the ego. We can let go of the need for perfection and realize that what we have is simply perfect as it is. And when we let go the magic of embodiment can take over. We move from being observer to participant and simply be in the experience of pleasure.

Think about it. When I was growing up some of my fondest memories were when I was playing with friends and we were all letting our imaginations run free and we created some amazing, silly and fun games. It wasn’t about being the best or the biggest, or scoring the most. It was simply about having some fun.

Those puppies didn’t care about their incomes or their physical appearance or their colors or much of anything else. It didn’t matter which puppy was the best; they just wanted to play.

Of course, sex can take on many different and complimentary meanings and play is only one of many possible meanings around sex. But I find play one of the most freeing experiences. I found myself laughing and smiling and relaxing into the experience. Yes I was comfortable and I knew the people I was playing with quite well and felt very much as ease. But it didn’t matter that I wasn’t perfect. I was perfect just was way I was that evening.

Play is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

I was with Scratch at a dance party that went into the wee hours of the morning. I’m not usually the type that stays up late, but this was a special occasion.

I spent some of the evening with my shadow – that part we all have that that is instinctual and irrational and fueled by our fears and doubts. I found myself reverting back to my junior high self – that scared boy who was desperately seeking approval and wanting to fit in but had no clue about how to do that nor any idea that being myself and getting my own approval was actually the best way to be.

Should I dance? Should I not dance? Was my costuming good enough? What was everyone thinking of me? The self inquisition just kept going on.

The space wasn’t comfortable. There were a lot of people bringing in a lot of different energies. Sure, some people were just dancing and having fun, but I seemed to grasp on the the edge of the space that was containing anger and aggression.

Finally, I retreated into the chill space where I started to just relax and collect my thoughts when we were rudely interrupted by someone barging in with his own agenda. Then after he left I was stepped on (yes, it was a bit dark.) That was it – I had to leave.

Saturday was a day of self care. I slept in late. Scratch brought a wonderful breakfast in bed. I just hung out and tried to get back into my body. I loved hanging with Scratch, but I needed to be in my own space so I headed back home.

After I got home I needed time in my body – one of those ‘Calgon take me away’ moments. I began a nice slow masturbation session. I really wanted to keep it slow – this wasn’t about grunts, groans and hardness. Rather it was about really being nice to myself.

As I continued I focused on a mirror above my altar where I keep a cumshot. Cum is magic and I realized that I needed to have a new intention above my altar around self care. What better way to symbolize my intention than to freshen the magic with a new load and a new intention.

The masturbation session went on for several more hours. During one of my breaks I took the mirror and carefully cleaned it and prepared it for a new symbol. Resuming my stroking, as I got closer and closer to to the point of no return I brought all my awareness to self care. Gazing into my own eyes and focused on self care, I experienced a thunderous orgasm and felt the energy of my seed transferring from me onto the mirror below.

I then sat in a silent meditation for a while remaining focused on self care. When complete I set the mirror aside to dry and, when ready, placed it in its proper place above my altar.

Solo Magic is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

I’ve had many anal orgasms before. An anal orgasm is more whole body focused than a traditional penis focused orgasm. I feel it as waves of pleasure that go up and down my entire body. Sometimes there’s a bit of an ejaculation and at other time my cock just doesn’t get involved at all.

I recently had an experience of an anal orgasm that lasted and lasted. It seemed like it went on  for minutes! I was bottoming getting fisted and the person I was with was exquisitely connected to me both physically and spiritually. I began to feel those familiar waves of pleasure and they just kept coming.

Most of my brain just shut off and I relaxed into the experience. I was fully conscious of what was going on. Actually I remember reminding myself to keep my vocalizations under control. I was at someone’s home and I didn’t want to disturb his neighbors. I was aware that the energy I was creating was also impacting the room; I felt safe and cared for by the others in the space as I continued my experience.

I recently ran across a post on The Dirty Normal talking about extended orgasms: “Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, often typified by the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle. An extended orgasm is not an hour’s worth of contractions; instead, it’s… it’s like every cell in your body is vibrating at the same wavelength. It’s like you’re a bell that’s ringing. It’s a whole body orgasm rather than a genital orgasm.” While I inferred that this post was focused on women’s experiences, much of this applied to men too.

Once it was over, I just let go and enjoyed a few moments of peace and connection. Again, just when you think you’ve experienced all that erotic pleasure has to offer, you get a new, unexpected, experience!

Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, often typified by the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle. An extended orgasm is not an hour’s worth of contractions; instead, it’s… it’s like every cell in your body is vibrating at the same wavelength. It’s like you’re a bell that’s ringing. It’s a whole body orgasm rather than a genital orgasm.

Continuous Orgasm is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

Jan 21 Mindful Self Loving Cancelled is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

I’m very experienced at non-monogamy. What I’m learning is that I’m not so experienced with polyamory. Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory, is “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.”

I’m really paying attention to the word relationship in the phrase intimate relationship. An open relationship is relatively easy. It’s just about sex – there’s no emotional involvement. You get together, have a great time, and then you’re off on your way. As they say “no strings attached.”

I’ve found that I need the strings to be attached. NSA is great and fulfills a physiological desire, but NSA does nothing for the emotional desire.

Polyamory, on the other hand, is a relationship. In fact, it’s several relationships. I”m finding this challenging because I have much to learn about managing relationships with two people: scheduling, balance, communication – it is a lot of work. It’s also very rewarding.

I’ve been learning much – many times by my own mistakes. I read The Ethical Slut – probably the best book on relationships and polyamory around. I’ve been spending time on polyamory.com recently where I found this most wise piece of wisdom:

In my experience, trying to please everyone does not get better results. It gets an exhausted me, and a whole bunch of people who are unsatisfied that I didn’t try hard enough. So rather, in each situation, I pick who I’m going to satisfy. Then I satisfy them to the best of my ability. I satiate the others by telling them that there will be another situation where it will be them who I satisfy. Sure, if possible, I’ll satisfy as many people as possible. But sometimes that’s just impossible. You can’t be in three places at once. So pick one place, and be fully present there.

I can’t take responsibility for pleasing everyone in my relationships at all times. I’ve tried – and failed miserably. I have to come back to practices that are integral to my life: grounding and presence. Most of all – presence; if I’m grounded I can be present. I can’t control many aspects of these relationships nor can I control what the others in my life will feel. I can, however, absolutely be present.

(Mis)Adventures in Polyamory is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men

As a queer man coming out in my 20′s, during the 1980′s, my coming out was significantly affected by HIV/AIDS. I moved to San Francisco from the Midwest in 1982. I remember hearing something about some kind of disease before I moved here, but really didn’t think too much about it. Once I got here, I quickly realized that I was in far over my head for a 21 year old kid.

I remember walking up Castro street when about a third of the people I saw were in wheelchairs or using canes. These men were very ill and not really that much older than I was at the time.

I buried my head and pretended that nothing was going on but didn’t have any sexual interactions with anyone. I was way too scared. As time passed some of my friends started to get sick. I remember how it first happened. I wouldn’t hear from an acquaintance for a while, then find out from someone else that he’s in the hospital. I knew what was coming. I hid more.

After a while I realized that I couldn’t hide anymore. That first hospital visit with a friend is seared in my memory. All those tubes and he was so thin all of a sudden. The memory of witnessing my friends die will never be forgotten.

I’m also aware that many other people still around experienced much more loss that anything I could even imagine. Friends I have now, who were only a bit older than me, recall attending funeral services weekly. Many of my current friends lost friends, lovers and partners.

I reflect on my friends who passed on way too young. I reflect on the friends and lovers of my current friends whom I know only through memories. I reflect on the impact of the loss of a generation of queer men. I reflect on my own shortcomings in not being active enough in helping during that crisis.

Most of all, I do remember and know that, although things have changed, it’s not over.

World AIDS Day is a post from: Sacred Touch for Men