If someone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting will look,
lift your face and say,
Like this.
Julaluddin Rumi 1207-1273
Are you happy with your erotic life? Have you experienced truly being in erotic bliss? Do you experience blocks or obstacles to erotic ecstasy? Do you experience shame or guilt after erotic experiences? Are you happy with your body? Do you feel stuck in repeating erotic patterns? What would you like to change?
These are some of the questions that Erotic Coaching can help you address.
As we are growing up, we receive many lessons from parents, teachers, and other elders. Most of us were taught that sex is a vile, nasty, evil thing. We were taught that sex is only to be used to procreate. There are alternatives. Sexuality can be a glorious, spiritual expression. What is usually missing is training on erotic pleasure. Over time, blockages can occur. These blockages can interfere with complete erotic pleasure. Erotic Coaching is a way to reclaim your birthright and Erotic Coaching is a way to retrain your body, mind and spirit and begin removing blockages.
An Erotic Coach is a trusted person who is completely committed to you. A coach is someone who listens to you, he helps you get clarity on what you want then helps you achieve that. He is your advocate - someone you can openly and honestly talk with. He is someone you can be completely open and honest with and express your deepest desires. He won't judge or criticize. He may challenge and push you. But most of all he is your supporter.
I bring three complimentary skills to Erotic Coaching. I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker - certified by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and approved by the State of California Department of Post-Secondary Education. Sexological Bodyworkers are somatic (body based), erotic educators. I have been trained by The Body Electric School as a Sacred Intimate. Sacred Intimates are specialists in embodiment, not analysis or processing. Sacred Intimacy is about how to change, not why you are wounded. I compled the Co-Active Coaching Program at The Coaches Training Institute. I weave these three complimentary backgrounds together to help you get what you want out of your erotic life.
How many times have you caught yourself holding back? Not asking for what you want because you were afraid of what others would think. Erotic Coaching is an opportunity to be bold and ask for what you want. My role is to create a safe space for you to learn, explore and have that experience.
Some of us find ourselves in situations where we have difficulty saying no. If you've ever found yourself in a situation where you wondered 'how did I get into this position?' you may find benefit with assistance in defining your personal boundaries. I like to differentiate 'boundaries' from 'barriers'. Boundaries serve both of us during our time together. Boundaries are important to ensure a safe space from which to explore and learn. Barriers are fear, shame or culturally based obstacles to pleasure, love and connection. During our time together I want to explore and hopefully transcend barriers.
We start our sessions by creating an agreement. I use a questionnaire to help you clarify your goals and we jointly agree to the ways in which we will work together to meet those goals. The way we work together may or may not include touch from me - that's your choice. Some common areas I've worked with men on include:
The possibilities are virtually endless. The important thing is to be clear on what you want.
What do sessions look like? No two sessions are the same! I use several different techniques during a session but the common element is that every thing I say or do is to help the client with his erotic wants. Many times I'll use a combination of these techniques. Sometimes I'll include something not covered here, but this is the main focus:
A relentless focus on the possibilities. Therapy is focused on the past. What happened to you and how does that affect you today? Erotic Coaching is focused on the future. What do you truly want? How do you get in your own way of achieving your dreams? How can you experience true pleasure in your body? How can you re-ignite your relationships?
Bodywork to compliment your wants. Most therapy is all talk. In person Erotic Coaching allows you to experience. It gives you an opportunity to integrate your mind, your heart, your spirit and your body. Many of us are afraid of asking questions about our erotic life. We're supposed to know all the answers. An Erotic Coach gives you an opportunity to ask questions and experience what it is that you want in a safe place.
Masturbation practice. Are you truly satisfied with the way you masturbate? Are you masturbating the same way as when you were 12 years old? Mindful masturbation is a practice that can open up new erotic pathways for you and your relationships. Check out my page on Masturbation Coaching for more information about this work.
Intimacy education. Do you need practice holding another man? Do you wish you were a better at cuddling? Are you apprehensive whenever you're close to another man? Few of us have the opportunity to practice being intimate. Some of us are craving to be held and cuddled. I can provide that space for you.
Personalized sex education. I use a variety of sources specifically tailored to your needs. I keep a library of DVD's to augment what we talk about and what you experience. These DVD's are accurate, explicit, and up to date. Are you interested in power and surrender exchange? Perhaps you are feeling drawn to fisting but don't know where to begin? I am well experienced in these areas and can provide a space to safely explore these highly spiritual areas.
Home assignments. After almost every session I'll invite you to do some assignments on your own or with your partner. These assignments are intended to reinforce what is covered during a session. We'll talk about the assignments at our next session.
As you can see, session options are almost unlimited. I begin by asking about your intentions for our time together. What do you want for your erotic life? What would you change if you could? Some of the specific things we could do include:
I invite you to not focus too much on what we would do. Rather I ask that you focus your energies on what do you want to feel? What do you want to experience? What do you want to change?
This work usually is done in person at my San Francisco studio. If you're not in the San Francisco area I am available to provide Erotic Coaching over the phone or webcam. Please see the Life Coaching page for more information on remote coaching.
Many times couples fall into an erotic rut. The erotic energy that was very intense early in the relationship can wane as each person becomes more comfortable in the relationship. Often times, the couple is hesitant to talk about the issue because of fear.
Other times couples fall out of sync erotically - each of you may have very different erotic needs and desires. Yet, both of you are committed to the relationship and don't want to explore erotic contact with others outside of the relationship.
I work with couples to rekindle the erotic energy. I can show you how to do erotic massage on each other and offer other activities to re-ignite that spark!
I work with straight, bi and gay male couples. I ask each partner to complete and questionnaire and begin the work by asking that both partners come to the initial session. Depending on the nature of the work, we may continue the work together or I may invite each of you to experience an individual session.
I invite you to email or phone me to talk more about this important work.
| Somatic Experiences |
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As an Erotic Coach I combine the power of coaching with the somatic experiences of Sexological Bodywork. What's a somatic experience? Somatic means 'of the body.' So a somatic experience is an experience of the body. The primary question that traditional therapists focus on is 'why.' If you are currently in therapy, I'm available - with your consent - to work with your therapist. As an Erotic Coach I believe that you are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The primary questions of Erotic Coaching are 'what do you want' and 'how does it feel in your body. |
| Intentions |
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I'm often asked what's a good intention. A good intention is generally any statement that begins with 'I want to feel...' Intentions are about the feeling, not focused on the modalities of the session. For example, 'I want to get fucked' is a want but 'I want to feel loved' is an intention. |
| Coaching by Phone |
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You don't have to be in the San Francisco area to take advantage of Erotic Coaching. I offer remote coaching sessions over the phone and via webcam. Email me for more information. |