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Sacred Touch for Men Relax your body. Reclaim your pleasure. Find your passion.

Valentine’s Day

Posted by ed on February 13, 2014
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IMGP1272-smSo Valentine’s day is Friday.

This holiday is usually associated with romantic love or bloody massacres (or both!) I’m kinda a romantic at heart. I love the support, smooching, touching and physical and emotional intimacy that romantic love can provide. I’m also aware that romantic love is culturally loaded and full of unrealistic expectations. Valentine’s day is also really hard for those of us that choose an alternate path for our intimate fulfillment. Those of us in multiple relationships have a scheduling challenge! But, I’m actually OK with the paradox that is Valentine’s day.

There’s an aspect of Valentine’s day that I’m choosing to celebrate this year – I’m going to celebrate my love for myself on Friday. This exercise can be a radical practice of self care. It can heal our core while flying in the face of cultural expectations. While everyone else is out with romantic dinners and flowers, I’m going to be happily staying home alone!

I believe that it’s impossible to accept love into our life unless we can love ourselves. Once we develop the connection with self we can make room for love from another. If we don’t think we deserve to be loved how can we accept that love from someone else?

My self-love practice is more about acceptance than anything else. I practice accepting myself as I am – not how I think I should be. I see myself as desirable – not from a narcissistic perspective, but from a perspective of acceptance. I’m certainly not better than anyone else, but I’m also no worse than anyone else. I’m quite happy with who I am.

I’m planning to spend the evening with myself and see where I want to go. I don’t have any agenda. I’ll probably start with a short meditation to check in after the day and listen to my body, my mind and my spirit. They’ll inform me of where I need to go and what I feel like doing. I’m sure that there will be some self pleasuring going on, but, again, I’m purposefully avoiding any agenda. I may have an intense edging session or I may just have some slow, subdued with my body.

I’ll probably spend a lot of time connecting with my eyes in a mirror. I find this practice very powerful as a way of affirming myself. I’m going to go out and get a really nice bar of deep dark chocolate and savor that all evening! I may spend some time with a mantra of affirmation. I may take a relaxing bubble bath. I may sit in the candlelight and howl. I really don’t know. What I do know is that this Valentine’s day is about loving someone really important to me – myself!

I’ve got a cold and need to cancel for this evening. See you next month!

I just Googled the term sexual beast and most of what was returned was related to rapists and other sexual predators. That’s a telling comment on our culture.

This post is about a very different type of sexual beast. This beast is the animal within; it is that part of us where the ordinary disappears and the extraordinary makes itself known. It is where the sexual energy unites with the heart energy allowing us to express ourselves in ways where words don’t really work very well.

I thought I knew my beast. I’m realizing that although I am familiar with much I also have more to get to know. I also now see that I keep my beast at a distance. Scratch recently told me that I often refer to my beast as if he is separate from myself. As soon as he told me that I knew he hit on something.

Why do I do this? What is it that scares me about that part of myself? Why do I find sex so incredibly hot yet also a bit scary at the same time? Is that old Catholic programming still more active than I want to admit?

Does age enter into this? Sure we all like to imagine good looking younger people enjoying sex, but what about those of us who get mail from AARP? Am I letting my own age bias effect my feelings? Most of us can easily imagine a young virile beast, what about an older beast? What does he look like?

I like letting my beast come play when I’m alone and I’m noticing that I hold back when I’m playing with others. Why? What is it about that part of me that I’m ashamed of? Is approval from others so important to me that I’m willing to sacrifice part of myself in the process? What’s keeping me from letting all parts of me come out to play?

Integrating our erotic lives into everything we do is so important to me. When erotic energies are segregated, we aren’t whole. Sex influences everything we do – even when we’re not being sexual. I use my sexual energies often in very non-sexual situations. There’s a huge difference between being aware of sexual energies and acting on those energies. Yet, I’m aware that I have an additional integration task to do. I need to integrate my beast into all parts of me.

The journey continues.