Posted by ed on April 12, 2011
Posted in coaching | Tagged With: letting go, reflecting |
Jeez, that title was hard to write!
OK now that I have your attention, I couldn’t disagree with her politics more; however, I notice a quality in her and others of her ilk that I do wish I had more of. That is the ability to not care what everyone thinks of her. So roughly a third of the population loves her and the other two thirds either abhor her or are really uncomfortable with her. She doesn’t care about those two thirds. Not caring about the other two thirds frees her up to be the attention monger that she is and focus exclusively on the one third that likes her.
In other words, her ability to not care helps her dramatically in getting her message out.
On the other hand I notice that I really want everyone to like me. Intellectually I know that’s practically impossible but I get upset when even a small percentage of people in a group don’t like me. This desire for everyone to like me makes it harder to take risks and to garner attention. Sometimes I notice that I don’t stand tall and express myself fully because I”m more worried about that one person who may not like me.
When I don’t stand tall, I compromise and settle for less. Sometimes what I have to say gets overshadowed by the loud voices. Sometimes I just say that I don’t like the game so I quit playing and that’s when I take notice and am aware of the need to change my perspective.
I look at this when it comes to promotion. The example of people who don’t care are the people selling all kinds of crap on TV infomercials. I can’t stand that stuff, but I definitely notice it. Another example are websites that scream “Top 10 Reasons to…” and have lots of flash and noise to sell their product. In bodywork I’ve seen flashy or catchy titles used by others. My style is more down to earth and a consequence of down to earth is that it’s harder to get noticed.
You would think that the nature of the erotic work I do would drive me to be way out there and in front of the crowd. Actually it’s exactly the opposite. I’m not racing cars letting you know you can grow “that special part of the male anatomy.” Nor am I promising that you’ll get the girl or guy of your dreams. Rather, I’m about giving you an experience in your body that’s a bit outside of what you may be used to in order to expose you to something new.
Not flashy, but important!
Posted by ed on October 25, 2010
Posted in coaching | Tagged With: alignment, passion |
An important concept for me is alignment – aligning your passion, work and overall life. Of course, to find alignment we need to know what our passions are. The reality for many of us is that we often don’t know.
I was this way for many years. I spent so much effort doing what I thought others wanted of me that I never asked the important question of what do I want for myself. As a result, I just plain forgot about passion. Sure there were things that I throught were interesting, but passion – I didn’t know what that was.
I’m learning. There are days when I feel that everything is in alignment and I’m feeling pretty happy. Then there are days when everything seems like its out to get me and I feel as if I don’t have a clue. The challenge for me is to learn to live those bad days and see what I can learn from them. Of course, I’m strongly tempted to go and pout and complain but I have to realize that pouting doesn’t do anything to get me out of the situation.
When coaching I often get resistance when I ask about passion. I think we sometimes believe that we have to have all the answers right now. Actually we don’t. I recommend that if you don’t know where your passions are to try things out for one day – even one small step. Give yourself an afternoon to do what you really want. Then see how that feels to you. Give yourself permission not to have to know all the answers right away. It’s OK to be an explorer and try out many different things. You’ll soon learn what you like and before you know it you’ll begin to find those passions!
When I’m pouting, I have to remember that inner explorer in me. Life is an exploration and I need to get out and explore!
Posted by ed on June 25, 2010
Posted in coaching | Tagged With: letting go |
I’m writing this after a harrowing experience that’s also reminded me about an important lesson in letting go. I’m in Illinois for my brother’s wedding. Getting here was an ordeal.
My partner and I arrived early at the airport to check in for a flight. The terminal was in absolute chaos. There were people standing about everywhere and few people to assist everyone. I was asking where to go to check in the bag and kept getting pointed in different directions. After running around for quite a while to check in the bag we finally found the right place. Unfortunately, we arrived too late to check the bag.
We then went from line to line and ended up missing the flight. We ended up on standby. Ugh! After going through and not getting on 4 more flights, we were beginning to get real concerned. I was wondering if we were going to make it for the wedding. I noticed myself having a hard time letting go and trusting that we would get there.
At the 5th flight we attempted, there were 4 people who didn’t board the plane. Hmmm, maybe we would get on this one! With less than 5 minutes to go before departure one person went running toward the gate to get on the plane. We were called to the gate to wait for a seat. This is when I really had to focus on letting go of my agenda and trusting that the right thing would happen.
Eventually we did get on the plane, the doors closed and we took off.
I was reminded that I have such a hard time letting go. I was very frustrated that I wanted to do something to control or change the situation, but there was nothing I could do.
Letting go is an important practice with our bodies too. Many times we want to control the situation or control the experience. When we’re trying to control the experience, we’re not experiencing it. I’m constantly reminded of the importance of letting go.
Even when I don’t want to!